Big Time Love Story
by ForeverSmiles
Summary: Kaylee Rocque is coming to live with her dad in L.A. after her mom sends her there for discipline. Kaylee is sure that this is gonna suck, but changes her mind when she meets a certain Carlos Garcia. I suck at summaries. Just read it. Carlos/OC
1. Meeting the Band

I had a frown plastered on my face when I stepped off the airplane and looked around for my dad. It wasn't like I _wanted _to be here, but it was my punishment for doing something so horrible that nothing I could ever do or say would make up for it, so I guess I can't complain.

Let's face it, I'm a screw-up. I'm dumber than a post (and I'm not exaggerating), I can't so _anything _right, I complain about _everything, _and I couldn't say a nice thing about any of my family members to save my life (again, not exaggerating).

I sat down at a chait in the airport with my bags all around me. My lazy, annoying, uncaring father could find me himself. But of course, I should have known that he wouldn't come himself.I saw a tall African-American with bodyguard written all over him standing in the middle of the airport, holding up a sign that said "Kaylee". That was me. Yep, I was Kaylee Rocque. The trouble-making misfit was Gustavo Rocque's oldest daughter. But if you ask me, he isn't as amazing as everyone seems to think. Sighing, I dragged all my luggage over to the bodyguard.

"Are you Kaylee?" he asked and I nodded.

"And you are?"

"Freight Train. I'm the bodyguard for your dad's new singing group."

"And he sent _you _to pick me up?" I asked, a little disappointed.

"Don't be like that. Your dad is a very busy man. I'm sure he would be here ifhe could."

"Yeah, right. Whatever. Where's the limo?"

"Out front. I'll tale your luggage." Freight Train out my suitcases into the limousine and I got in the back. Freight Train got in next to me (which, believe me, was beyond creepy) and the limo started to move , but not down any of the roads to any of my dad's 5 houses. My siblings and I used to come to Hollywood every summer until I was 11 (Samantha was 8, Max was 1, and Michael was 19, so he didn't have to go cuz he was in college).

"Where are we going?" I asked Freight Train.

"To the Palm Woods school and recording studio. Your dad is there, recording some demos with Big Time Rush."

"Big Time Rush?"

"Gustavo's latest boy band."

"Oh." The limo parked outside a huge building and Freight Train led me to a certain room.

My dad and Kelly were listening to four boys (Big Time Rush, Im guessing) singing in a recording studio. And they were _hot._

I walked into the recording studio and when I did, everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at me.

"Kaylee, is that you?" Gustavo yelled.

"Yeah, last time I checked."

"You got...older."

"Yeah, that tends to happen," I said, sarcastically.

"Oh My God, you're so beautiful!" Kelly cried (she used to babysit me and my sibs [sometimes] when we were younger).

"Um, thanks. You too, Kelly." The boys in the recording studio came running out.

"Who are you?" they all cried in unison.

"This is Kaylee," Gustavo explained. "my daughter."


	2. The Family

"Uh, hey, guys," I said, nervously.

"You're pretty!" the one with the helmet yelled and I blushed.

"Um...thanks? Who are you guys?"

"I'm James."

"I'm Kendall."

"I'm Logan."

"I'm Carlos."

"Hey, James, Kendall, Logan, and Carlos."

"Dogs, stop bugging Kaylee! You need to get back to recording me a hit!" Gustavo almost screamed (sorry i did the best i could at being Gustavo. im sorry if it was an epic fail!)

"OK, Dad, chill. Geez, you're always so angry all the time." I said and the guys "oohed" and Gustavo's face turned a bright red.

It was 8:00pm that night and I was grounded. Already. NIce job, Kaylee. I was in the room that I had stayed in while I was younger.

The silence echoed throughout the mansion, and that was when I realized that I was completely alone (Gustavo went out for some work thing).

"KAYLEE!" Gustavo screamed up the stairs. I guess not. "Your mother's on the phone!" I picked it up.

"Kaylee, hi! How are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess. Why did you call?"

"Oh, no reason. Just to check up on you and tell you that we all miss you very much."

"What, so you're not mad anymore?"

"Oh no, I'm still very much angry at you. Your siblings, however, are not. Here's Sam."

"Hey, sis! How are you doing up there with _Dad, _sucker?" My little sister, Sam mocked. "I just wanted to let you know how great its veen here _without _you! You should've tried to kill Max years ago!"

"I did _not _try to kill Max! I just...accidentally caught the house on fire and he just so happened to be _in_ the house when it happened!"

"You have your words, and I have mine."

"Did you just want to talk to me to tell me how good your life has become without me?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Then, goodbye. Put Max on."

"Hi, Kaylee!"

"What's up, little brother?"

"Nothing, really, except thinking about how it _sucks _here without you! Things are so _boring! _Plus, Sam is being extra mean to me, and Steve and Mom are drinking extra." I frowned. I had forgotten, now that I had gone, Max and Sam were left to deal with my mother and stepfather's constant drinking, beatings, and neglect. Yeah, my life sucks.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Maxxy...I wish I could be there." He sighed.

"Me, too. Oh, Steve's home, gotta' go." Then the phone went dead.


	3. Invited

The next day, I headed out to the Palm Woods pool. I sat on one of the lawn chairs with my sunglasses shielding my eyes. Music from my iPod Touch blasted in my ears.

Suddenly the earphones were being ripped from my ears.

"Hey whats the big idea?" I yelled, sitting up and ripping off my sunglasses. "Oh, its just you." Big Time Rush were standing in front of me and Carlos had my earphones in his hand, grinning like a mad hatter.

"Sup, Helmet?" I said, and I high-fived him.

"We just got off of work with Gustavo and we saw you here so yea..." Kendall explained. I got to my feet, and felt someone bump into me.

"Hey watch it." I turned around and saw three different looking girls who were all beautiful. Way prettier than me.

"Uh, I'm sorry..." I muttered.

"Yeah, you should be!" the blonde one said. "Do you know who we are?"

"Um, how could I? We kinda just met."

"We are The Jennifers and we sing, dance, and act. What do YOU do?"

"I don't do anything, but I don't have to because Gustavo Rocque is my dad and I could have your asses fired like that." I snapped my fingers. "So I suggest you move your snooty, drama-queen booties along."

They raised their eyebrows. "If you're Gustavo's daughter, then why are you hanging out with these Big Time Losers?"

"They're not losers. They're really nice and fun, and you would know that if you had taken the time to get to know them. But your loss is my gain. And if you keep up your whole "I'm-too-good-for-anyone-who's-not-famous" streak, then no guy is gonna wana go out with you."

They just rolled their eyes and strutted away. I turned to face my friends.

"Thanks for sticking up for us." Logan said, sadly.

"No prob. Its what friends do, right?" They smiled and nodded. Suddenly I was being thrown into the pool. "DAMN," I thought. "I really should have gotten those swimming lessons." I flailed my arms and legs around, trying to kick myself to the top, but it wasn't working.

Suddenly, a pair of arms were being wrapped around me and I was being brought back to the surface. I opened my eyes and saw Carlos staring back at me. He was pressing me close to his chest, and I had my arms wrapped around his neck. I stared into his chocolate brown eyes and he said,

"Dude, Kaylee, the pool isn't that deep." I smirked.

"Way to ruin the moment, Garcia."

"I try." He set me on the edge of the pool, and got out himself.

"Thanks, man," I said, giving him a knuckle touch.

"No prob. Its what friends do, right?" I laughed.

"Hey, do you want to go to the movies with us tonight?" Kendall asked. "I'm bringing my girlfriend, Jo, and Logan is bringing his girlfriend, Camille. Carlos and James don't want to feel like tag alongs, so they only agreed to go if you did." I blushed.

"Sure,"


	4. Fun at the Movies

I checked the time on my phone: 6:45. Damn. The guys were supposed to be here at 7:00 and I wasn't even ready. I quickly finished putting on my make-up, and threw on capris, an orange tank-top, and flip flops. I pulled my long, blonde hair into pigtails.

I went downstairs to wait for the guys when my dad stopped me.

"Whoa whoa whoa where do you think you're going?"

"To the movies. With your dogs."

"MY dogs? MY DOGS? Why would you want anything to do with MY DOGS?" I shrugged.

"I dunno, cuz they're-" a horn honked outside. "-here!" I ran out the door before Gustavo could ask any more questions.

Kendall was in the drivers's seat with a blonde girl sitting in the passenger seat, and Logan was sitting in the middle seat with a dark-haired girl, while Carlos and James were squished in the back.

"Um, hi, I'm Kaylee."

"I'm Jo."

"I'm Camille."

After our introductions, I squeezed in between James and Carlos.

"What are we going to see?" I asked, and Jo and Camille shrugged.

"Whatever you guys want," James said.

"I'm in the mood for a comedy. How bout you guys?" I said, and Jo and Camille both nodded.

"I am!" Carlos yelled, and I grinned at him.

"Something tells me that you're always in the mood for a comedy."

"Pfft...so?" he said, and I laughed. Kendall started to drive.

When we got to the movies, we went to the Kick-Ass theatre. I put a box of Gummy Bears in Carlos' lap, and then sat down next to him.

"What is this for?"

"Saving my life." He smirked.

"I saved your life, and all I get is a box of Gummy Bears?"  
>"Oh, so you don't want the Gummy Bears?" I reached for them, but he slapped my hand away.<p>

"No, no, no, I want 'em!"

"And I'll think of something else, but the Gummy Bears will have to do for now." Then I kissed him on the cheek and leaned back in my chair. 

I'm the kind of person that can't sit still for a long period of time (which is why school is a bore for me), so Carlos, James, and I ended up throwing popcorn at each other. James even went so far as to dump his entire pop on my head.

I gasped and jumped up from my seat. "JAMES!" I hissed, the edge of my voice hinting at laughter.

"What are you guys DOING?" Logan said in an annoyed tone.

"Does someone want to come with me to go get cleaned up?" I asked and Jo and Camille both volunteered.

We talked and giggled all the way o the bathroom, and we became fast friends.  
>"You guys are pretty cool," I said as they helped me get cleaned up.<p>

"Thanks, you too." Jo said, and Camille nodded in agreement.

Twenty minutes later, we went back to the theatre and sat down. I came back to find Carlos shoving Gummy Bears up his nose. I laughed.

"This is what you do with the Gummy Bears I buy you?" He snorted them out and they fell on the floor, all covered in Carlos Boogers.

"Eww!" Camille and Jo said, but that only made me laugh harder. 

"Carlos, that's so nasty!" he started to laugh, too, and we got so loud that the Usher-dude had to come to kick us all out.

"Thanks, guys," Kendall, Logan, and James grumbled on the way back to thye car, but that just made us crack up even more. Jo and Camille even started laughing. I guess they couldn't help it. 

Tonight was super fun. It was one of the best nights of my life. There was only one thing I regretted: all the junk I had eaten. Before I could think twice, I was in front of the toilet, and I was sticking my finger down my throat.

Some poeple call it bulimia, but I call it the only way that I could ever be good enough for the people around me. The only way I could be as prety as Jo or Camille, or as anyone else in this star-studded town. A part of me knew I should stop, but this was the only good thing in my life. And why stop a good thing?


	5. Drowning

I was at the Palm Woods pool again, in the very same chair as yesterday, in the very same bikini and the very same sunglasses, with the very same iPod, and listening to the very same Kelly Clarkson song. 

Earphones were once again pulled from my ears, but this time I sat up and smiled. 

"Hey, Carlos." This time he was alone. 

"I didn't know you got your belly button pierced." 

"Oh, that. I got it done with my mom when I was 14." 

"You weren't wearing a ring on it yesterday." 

"I guess I forgot." It was silent for a while. "It was The Jennifer's who pushed me into the pool yesterday, wasn't it?" He nodded. 

"That's what I thought." 

"I didn't know that you never knew how to swim. Until yesterday, I mean." 

"There are alot of things you don't know about me, Carlos." I said, and thought, _aint that the truth._ "Do you want to learn?" 

"Want to learn what?" 

"You know what I mean." 

"To swim? I dunno..." 

"It would be fun." 

"For you, maybe, but the whole time, I'M gonna be worried about whether or not this will be the last time I ever breathe." He laughed. 

"Like, I said yesterday, the pool isn't that deep. I can touch my feet to the bottom, so that means you can, too. C'mon, don't be a wimp." I glared at him. 

"I'm not scared." He smirked. 

"Prove it." I jumped up from the chair, and glared holes into him. 

"I'm not scared of anything." Then I turned and ran into the pool. And Carlos was right, the pool _isn't _that deep. I came up, sputtering, and rubbing my eyes. Carlos jumped in next to me, and I shielded my face. 

"Dude, I get that you're not scared, you don't have to go kill yourself!" I laughed, and splashed him in the face. He blocked, and got me back. We ended up splashing each other, laughing like hyenas. He grabbed my legs and flipped me over. I screamed, and then I went headfirst into the water. 

Before I knew it, I was being lifted out of the water. Carlos had a panicked look on his face. 

"Oh My God, I forgot! Are you okay?" I grinned. 

"That was FUN! Do it again!" He laughed at me and picked me up and threw me across the pool. 

"DAMN, BOY, YOU GOT SOME MUSCLES!" I screamed, and he smiled.  
>I liked him. I really did. But he would never stick around. No boy ever did once they knew about my "condition" and "home life".<p> 


	6. The Secret Is Out

_**I'm dedicating this chapter to I C a big world to thank her for all of her reviews :D So thanks a lot and keep reviewing!**_

After that, we got out of the pool and dried off. Or Carlos did, because he only brought one towel. I stood next to him, shivering.

"Do you want this?" he asked, holding out his damp towel. I nodded and wrapped it around my shoulders. Yeah, it was damp, but it was warm. If that makes sense.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" he asked me, and I nodded.

"Sure." Carlos bought me a cheeseburger, fries, and a smoothie, and the same for himself.

We talked over lunch. We talked about school, Big Time Rush, my dad, and our families back home. I told him everything I could up until I was 11, which was when my dad (Gustavo) moved out and Steve moved in. The only good memories of my family that I had were before I was 11.

"So what about your step-dad? Steve, or whatever his name is? Tell me more about him," Carlos said, and I shrugged.

"There's nothing to say, really." What I meant was: there was nothing good to say. He hit me and my siblings until we were numb, and my spineless mother did nothing about it. He hit me most of all. I don't know why, he just does. Stupid, drunken bastard.

I had an older brother named Michael. He's 24 now, eight years older then me, so that means he was 19 when Steve came into our lives, and he had already moved out. Michael had nothing but happy memories of his family. Sam (my little sister) and I had known happy times, but were too used to being abused and treated like crap to hardly remember it. But I felt the worst for Max. He is 10 now, and was five when Steve first came into our lives, so this was all he knew. This was the only life he thought existed.

"C'mon, there has to be something." Carlos pushed.

"Not really. Just a typical step-dad." Then I thought, _Yeah from hell._ I blinked back tears.

"I, uh, have to go to the bathroom." I rushed out of there.

I shut the bathroom door of the restaurant behind me, and knelt down beside the toilet. _This is a new life for me. New friends, new family, new everything. There's no reason to cry over the past._ I thought as I stared down at the toilet water before me. I tried not to think about Sam and Max, still stuck in New York with stupid, drunken parents who pretended to love them. This wasn't the past for them.

I knew I was in way over my head with Carlos. I was just setting myself for a major heartbreak. Maybe it wasn't just that I had a suckish home life. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough. That last line decided my fate, for I stuck my finger down my throat and vomited all in the toilet.

"Whoa..." I looked up and saw Carlos standing in the doorway, his eyes huge.

"Carlos..." I whispered. It was all over for me. 

_Fuck,_ I thought. _Fuck fuck fuck, Kaylee. Why do you have to be so damn stupid? You just ruined everything, just like you always do._ I finally let the tears fall, the ones that I had been fighting to keep behind my eyelids for five years. I tried to control myself, I tried to stop my tears, but they just wouldn't stop.

Carlos knelt down beside me, and gave me a big hug, so that I cried in his shirt. Everything was silent and the only sound was the sound of my hiccups. I finally stopped crying, and I leaned back, wiping my tears off my cheeks with my sleeve. I kept waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. So I did. 

"I've never let anybody see me cry before," I admitted. "Ever."

"Why? I-I mean, why did you just do that?" he gestured toward the toilet. I leaned over and flushed down my vomit before answering:

"Because I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid, Kaylee." 

That was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. Hell, he was the only person who had ever been nice to me.

I smiled. "Thanks."

"I've seen stupid people. I see one every time I look in the mirror," he joked, and I smiled.

"You're not stupid, either, Carlos. If anyone tells you that, don't believe them. Everyone always called me stupid, so much that I started to believe them. Even before Steve came..."

"Steve? Your step-dad? What about him?" I sighed, and began to explain everything. Gustavo and my mom's divorce, Steve moving in, Steve beating me, and my mother drinking until she passed out. And my bulimia. When I was done, I tried so hard not to cry. There was no way he would still want to be my friend now.

He reached for my hand, and held it lightly in his own. "I know I haven't known you for that long, but you're like my best friend." I smiled.

"Thanks, Carlos. You're my best friend, too." And I meant it.


	7. Therapists & Fears

"But I don't _want_ to be here!" I moaned as Carlos dragged me by the hand. It was a week after he found out about my bulimia and he was making me go to a...UGH! I can't even say it.

"Come on. I'm just me: Carlos. I've never handled anything this serious before. Ever. I need some help with this." I groaned.

"_Please_ don't make me do this!" He ignored me. Typical. We stood outside a door marked 'Dr. Greene' and Carlos knocked. I glared at him.

"I hate you!" He only smirked.

"No, you don't." The door opened by a prissy lady in like, her 30's. Gross.

"Hello. You must be Kaylee." I rolled my eyes.

"Come in." We walked into the room, and she sat at her desk while Carlos and I sat in two chairs opposite of her. Yep, if you haven't already guessed, Carlos dragged me to a therapist. Gross, right?

"OK, Kaylee, where would you like to begin?" Dr. Greene asked me.

"By walking out the damn door and never looking back," I snapped, glaring at her. She replied with a cool stare, and she seemed to be unphased. That pissed me off. Why wasn't she afraid of me? Everyone was afraid of me. Or why wasn't she at least pissed? No adult could stand me. Not even my own parents.

"Fine then. Go. No one is keeping you here." Yes, someone was! I glared at Carlos. He tried to seem unphased, too, but his eyes were dancing with amusement.

"Whatever..." I grumbled and leaned back in my chair, glaring at the ground. I hated being here. I hated my family. I hated everyone. Sometimes I felt like I was just a boiling furnace of hatred and anger, and everyday, someone just adds to my smoldering anger.

"So, where do you want to start?" she asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know. You're the professional. Where should I start?"

"Fine. Let's begin at well, the beginning, when your father and your mother divorced."

"Fine. I was eleven, and my dad's producing career was taking off, and he and my mom were fighting a lot. That year, they got a divorce, and my dad left. He never called, or visited or anything. He cut us off. I never heard from him until now." I knew she was going to ask me how I got shipped out here, but I didn't want to go there, so I continued. "My mom picked up another guy real quick. His name was Steve, and at first he was okay. But then he got my mom into drinking and he started...um...he started hitting me and my siblings, Sam and Max. And my mom didn't do anything about it."

"Why do you think that is?" Dr. Greene asked.

"Cuz she's a stupid, spineless bitch. I hate her. She doesn't even have the courage to stand up for her own kids. She's afraid of him."

"Well, aren't you?"

"No." I answered real fast.

"Everyone is afraid of something." Carlos said, but jerked his thumb at me. "But see, this girl's different. She stands apart from all of mankind, cuz she's not afraid of _anything._ Ain't that right, Kaylee?" I giggled, and rolled my eyes.

"Damn straight." I replied, and then went on with my (suckish) life story. Hey, maybe it will get better.

"Then I...screwed up. Bad. And my mom got my dad to agree to whip me into shape. Don't know how she managed to do that. That's how I got here."

"Hmm. And how long have you been bulimic?" I wanted to smash her face into the wall. I knew that tone of voice. She didn't know how hard I had it. What right did she have to judge me?

"Since I was thirteen. Any more questions?"

"A few more, if you don't mind."

"Actually, I do mind. I'm outta here." I got out and walked out the door. I could hear Carlos walking behind me in the parking lot. We got into one of my dad's many cars.  
>"So what are you afraid of?" I asked.<p>

"I'm not telling." he replied. "Not until you tell me what you're afraid of." I sighed.

"Fine. I hate hospitals. They creep me out. People die in there, and I can't stand all the white. It hurts my eyes." I shuddered. "And...I can't stand the sight of blood. It makes me throw up...but not on purpose." I shot him a grin. "Plus, that Michael Myers guy has always scared the living shit out of me. I know its lame, but I had a dream about him once when I was twelve, and haven't gotten over it yet." He laughed, and I grinned, too.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah...I hate small spaces. What's the word? Claustrophobic. Like, majorly. I feel like I can't breathe."

"Oh."

"Okay, your turn."

"I don't like heights. Okay? Don't make fun."

"I won't. As long as you don't tell anyone that I told you what I'm afraid of. Then I'll beat your ass in." He grinned at me.

"I'm not scared of you." I shrugged.

"Can't blame a girl for trying."


	8. Trust

*TWO WEEKS LATER*

I was running down the hallway of floor 2 of the Palm Woods, with mascara running down my cheeks. I had to do it. I knew that if I made myself throw up again, then I would waste all of the progress I had made with Carlos and Dr. Greene (I kinda like her now. She's kinda cool. Kinda…). I knew how disappointed of me they would be. But I didn't care. I had to do it. I had to...I had to...

"Hey, Kaylee, what's wr-" Carlos started when he saw me in the hall, but I blew past him. Before I realized he was following me, his strong arms were throwing me to the ground. His hands gripped my shoulders tightly as I lay against the wall.

"Carlos, let me go!" I sobbed, tears running down my cheeks like a waterfall, and I tried to struggle out of his grip. But he was strong.

"I know that look. You were gonna do something stupid. I've used that look tons of times before. But I won't let you do it. You're my best friend, and I don't care if you hate me for it, but I'm not gonna let you do it."

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry..." I covered my face with my hands cuz I didn't want anyone to see me like this. Especially him. He gently peeled my hands away from my face.

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"Cuz I screwed it up again. Just like I always do." He smiled.

"No. You almost screwed up again. But you didn't."

"Yeah, cuz you stopped me. If you hadn't been there, I would have. That's another thing. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this, and keep on lying to your friends about it."

"I don't mind." After a few seconds of silence, he leaned forward, pressed his lips gently to my forehead, and then got up and started to walk away.

"Wait!" I called after him desperately. "Where are you going?" He turned back to look at me, and smiled his million-dollar smile.

"To 2J. Mrs. Knight is making chicken nuggets for lunch."

"But aren't you worried I'm gonna make myself throw up?" He smiled at me again.

"I trust you."


	9. The Siblings Are Here

*ONE MONTH LATER*

It's been a month and a half since Carlos found out. I haven't made myself throw up once since then. Jo, Camille, and I are now inseparable, the same with me and Big Time Rush. Especially Carlos. Gustavo has been trying to "whip me into shape" without any luck. What can I say? I don't like rules.

"MARCO!" I screamed, running around the pool, blindly.

"POLO!" I heard someone scream in my ear, and I flailed my arms around, hitting someone hard on the shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw it was Logan.

"HA! YOU'RE IT!" I screamed, grinning, and he tackled me. LIFE WAS GOOD! Every day of my life was now filled laughter, smiles, and happiness. Not to mention an awesome pool. Nothing could mess this up.

"Kaylee!" my dad screamed, and all 7 of us (me, BTR, Jo, and Camille) looked up from the pool.

"What?" I yelled back. He appeared in front of me, and dragged me out of the pool.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" I screamed, instinctively. What _had_ I done this week? I put a tack on our teacher's chair...stole the desk out of Mr. Bitter's office...I hid all of Tyler's mom's hair dye...hmm, nothing my dad knows about.

"This isn't about you! Your mom and some guy she married have been charged with child abuse and Samantha and Max are coming here! I can't deal with three of you!"

"Sam and Max are coming _here?_ No!" You know how I said nothing could mess this up? I was wrong. Yeah, I loved my sibs, and I felt for them, but they were the MOST. ANNOYING. PEOPLE. ON THE. PLANET. To tell you the truth, I hated them more than I loved them. But of course I should have counted on them to ruin my life. Again. That was their job, right?  
><strong><br>**  
>"Yes. We have to go pick them up at the airport. Now. They'll be here any minute." I quickly went to the mansion with Gustavo after saying my good-byes to my friends, and changed into clothes. Then we rushed to the airport, scowls on both of our faces.<p>

Then we saw them. They came off the plane with their suitcases. I saw my 14-year-old sister, Sam. She had curly blonde hair. And I mean hardcore blonde. Not like mine. I had dirty blonde hair with brown highlights. She was super smart, and had a know-it-all attitude. She and Logan would get along great. Max was dumb like me. He was 10, and had skater-boy brown hair. They walked up to us, and I glared at them.

"Hey." they said.


	10. Kaylee's Birthday

I didn't say a word to either of them the whole ride home. Believe me, I was more than glad that they had gotten away from Steve and my mom, but I just wished that they could go to some other relative's house.

To make matters worse, my 17th birthday was coming up this weekend, and I REALLY didn't want them to be there. Not that I don't love them, its just I wanted this birthday to be special (as in the first one away from Steve) and I wanted it to be an All-Friends-Birthday. As in no family welcome. My dad would be easy. He would probably say a quick "happy birthday" and shove a present in my arms and that would be it. Not that I'm complaining. It would probably be the most sincere "happy birthday" that I had heard in a long time.  
>But Sam and Max would ruin it. Just like they ruin everything. Great.<p>

On Saturday morning, I woke up around 9, and literally had to drag myself out of bed. I didn't want to see the train wreck that my birthday would become. But something strange happened. When I went downstairs, no one acknowledged me. My dad just bustled out the door for work, and Sam and Max simply sat at the kitchen table and ate their Froot Loops. No one said a single word to me. Not a "happy birthday", nothing. "Hey maybe they planned me a party" I thought, and then mentally kicked myself for thinking of something so girly and stupid. First of all, I didn't want a party. And second of all, my family would never do that. My friends...maybe. But my family? Never. My heart dropped like a stone. They really HAD forgotten my birthday.

"Why do you care if they remembered your birthday?" I thought as I silently poured myself a boul of cereal. "That has never bothered you before. No one has remembered your birthda in 16 years. Why do you care now?"  
>But I knew why. Because I had people that loved and cared about me now. If I thought that they had forgotten my birthday, it made me feel depressed and alone all over again. And that was the most familiar feeling in the world. Feeling all happy and accepted, that feeling was new to me. I felt like I had to play my cards right if I wanted to do it right. To me feeling that way was like a poker game. I had to play my cards right if I wanted to take advantage of the situation, buyt if I dealt the wrong cards it was all over. The thought worried me, but I had always been good at poker.<p>

I pushed aside my sad feelings about my family as I headed to the Palm Woods school. Today was going to be great. My family can go fuck themselves. But when I got there, Jo and Camille just launced into a deep conversation about their singing/action careers. They practically ignored me. Seriously, what the fuck?  
>Big Time Rush walked into the room and sat down next to me. They gave me their usual "hey's" and then paid attention to the teacher at the front of the class. Tears burned at the brims of my eyelids, and threatened to spill over.<p>

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I thought over and over again, and that was the only reason why I didn't. Carlos tapped my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he mouthed, but I just shook my head. "Oh, OK." he whispered. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Happy Birthday." My heart lept up into my throat, and my eyes shone. Of course Carlos had remembered my birthday. He was my best friend. Best friends always remembered each others' birthdays. Its like the #1 rule. Jo and Camille could learn a lot from him. I smiled, and whispered back,

"Thanks."

After school, Carlos met up with me in the lobby of the Palm Woods. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"  
>I sighed. "It's nothing."<p>

"Tell me." I laughed.

"You're just a pushy little bitch, aren't you?" I joked, smiling. He smiled, too.

"Say what you want. But tell me what's wrong."

"You're gonna think it's stupid."

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will."

"Try me." I sighed. He could always break me. I hated myself sometimes for letting him be able to break me this easily.

"Everyone...you're the only one who remembered my birthday today." Carlos frowned.

"That's not stupid, Kaylee. I would be pissed too, if my best friends forgot my birthday."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Come on, we don't need them to have a good time."

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's go get you the best birthday ever with a side of fries." I rolled my eyes. God, he can be SUCH a dork sometimes! But I luv him, anyways.  
>"Shouldn't we tell them that its my birthday?"<p>

"Naa. We'll save that for tomorrow, so we can make them feel as guilty as hell." I laughed.

"I like the way you think."

"I thought you might. Now come on!" Carlos grabbed my hand, and dragged me to "the best birthday ever".

"Where are we going?" I panted.

"I don't know! Where do you want to go?" He led me to the front of the Palm Woods. "We can go anywhere you want in LA. We can do whatever we want for one day. So what do you want to do?" I shrugged.

"I dunno. What do YOU wanna do?"

"Nuh-uh! This is your birthday! We do whatever YOU want to do! Your wish is my command, milady." He said in a weird accent and bowed. I laughed.  
>"Don't mock me!" He yelled, and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.<br>"Put me down!" I yelled, laughing, pounding my fists into his back. "I thought my wish was your command!"

"Maybe I lied. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" He screamed and ran around the front of the Palm Woods with me slung over his shoulder. Yeah, this place is gonna lose some customers for a while...

"Put me down right now, Carlos Garcia!" I shouted in a fake-stern-voice.

"Or you'll do what?"

"I was hoping you'd say that!" I yelled in his ear and yanked his helmet right off his head, and hugged it to my chest.

"HEYY!" he cried.

"Put me down or the helmet goes!" I said and pretended like I was going to throw his most prized possession into the street of hundred of cars.

"Noooo!" Ihe yelled and quickly dropped me on my butt on the sidealk.

"OW!" I yelled.

"Now give me my helmet!" he said, holding his hand out in a fake-upset-voice.

"Fine." I handed it to him, and then picked myself up from the ground. Carlos glanced at his helmet in his hands, then at me, then at his helmet, then at me.

"Thinking about something?" I joked.

"Here." I said, and put the helmet on my head.

"What's this for?"

"It's your birthday present. You an wear it all day today. But only for today."

"Aww, thanks! I feel like a princess!" I cried, and gave him a big hug. A part of me was joking, but a bigger part of me wasn't.

"I think I know where I want to go."

Carlos went to my dad's mansion and got a limo, and then we stuck our heads out of the tops of the roof thingy and screaned at people, and we flipped them off if they didn't wave at us. Then we bought hot dogs and went to the library so we could print of the list of Ways To Get Kicked Ot Of WalMart. And then we went to WalMart.  
>"Get out! NOW!" The WalMart security screamed at us, as we burst out of the front doors of WalMart, laughing so hard that my sides hurt. We only got to do 13 things on the list before they caught us and kicked our asses out of there, but it was still REALLY fun.<p>

"That was EPIC!" Carlos yelled, still laughing, as we made our way back to the limo.

"I know right?"

"What do you want to do now? Its only 4:30."

"We could go back to my dad's mansion and make popcorn and watch scary movies that scare the pants off of us." I suggested, and we got back into the limo.

"OK, one sec, just gotta make sure I have some underwear on.." Carlos saidm and pretended to check. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"You'd better have underwear on, you weirdo."  
>We got to my dad's mansion, and no one was home (good). I got some movies out of the cabinet (Paranormal Activity, Saw III, It, Nightmare on Elm Street) and Carlos popped some popcorn. Then we leaned back into two bean bag chairs and popped Paranormal Activity into the DVD player in the TV in my room.<p>

Just as it was starting, I whispered,

"Thanks for making this the best birthday ever. But you forgot the side of fries." He giggled.

"I'll get it to you."

"Today was a lot of fun. It was the best birthday of my life. It was the best DAY of my life. If you can believe that." He sighed, and his gaze lingered on the bruise on my arm (from a certain bastard named Steve).

"Yeah, I can believe that. I'm sorry..." His sad brown eyes met my dark, depressed hazel ones. Only then did I realize how close we were.  
>As I stared into his eyes, I felt like I was staring right into him, into his past, every time he had ever been picked on, or every time he ever smiled. It took my breath away, and my eyes fluttered shut as our lips touched.<p> 


	11. Piece of the Sky

I quickly tore away from him, my eyes wide and my heart racing.

"No..." I whispered.

"What's wrong?" Carlos asked.

"No...I can't...I can't do this." I jumped to my feet. "I won't get hurt again. I won't." Then I turned and ran from the room. I ran from the house, and my legs carried me far, far away from there. I had to get away. Then I spotted it. It was a swing set. I don't know what a park was doing in the middle of LA, but I didn't care. I ran to the swing and practically threw myself into it, tears blurring my vision. They slipped down my face in silent misery.

"What's the matter, Kaylee?" a voice asked me and I saw that it was Carlos. I hadn't even known that he had been following me. "Did I do something wrong?" I shook my head, my tear droplets landing on my jeans.

"Then what is it?"

"Why did you kiss me?" I blurted out.

"I dunno...it just kinda happened. But I kinda really like you now..."

"Why?" I shouted. "Why don't you like some other girl in the Palm Woods? One that's normal?"

"Normal is boring."

"But...why do you want to be with someone who..." I struggled to find the right words. "...who...has so many...issues...?"

"I don't care about that. I've never really felt about you this way before...but you're beautiful and funny and smart..."

I snorted. Smart? Yeah, right.

"...and you're brave, and if someone makes you mad you don't think twice about kicking the crap out of them, but you're also sweet and kind and...I don't want to be with anyone else."

When I didn't reply, he said, "I care about you, Kaylee. How can I make you believe me?"

"Promise!" I cried. "Promise that you won't ever, ever hurt me." Carlos got down on his knees in front of me.

"I always keep my promises. But I also never make any promises that I can't keep." I closed my eyes to keep myself from screaming out loud as my whole world crashed to pieces around me. Carlos grabbed my hand. "I _promise_ to never, ever hurt you, Kaylee Rocque. Ever." I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me. He was looking at me the way Kendall looks at Jo, or how Logan looks at Camille. Like I really mattered. Then he let go of my hand, and I clutched the chains on the swings with both my hands as Carlos got up and dusted the woodchips off his pants.

Then he walked behind me and started pushing me on the swing without saying a word. I didn't say anything either. I didn't want to ruin the moment by opening my Big Mouth. I stared up at the pure blue sky, and all of the fluffy clouds.

"I want to touch the sky, Carlos." I whispered. "It's all I've ever really wanted." At first he didn't respond, but then he brought the swing to a gentle stop. He put his hands on top of mine, on the chains of the swing.

"I'll get you a piece of the sky, Kaylee. I don't know how I'll do it, but I will."


	12. The Nanny

The next day, Big Time Rush was busy at the recording studio with my dad and Kelly, and I had nothing better to do, so I showed up there.

"Kaylee! What are you doing here?" Gustavo hissed while BTR was singing.

"What? Can't a girl just come to watch her dad at work?" He just rolled his eyes at me and turned his attention back to Big Time Rush. I smiled and waved at Carlos, and he did the same thing back to me, despite the fact that he was singing. I gave him two thumbs up and he winked at me. I blushed.

I hadn't realized Kelly and my dad were watching me.

"No dating the dogs." Gustavo said, sternly. BTR finished singing, and my dad turned his attention once again to them before I could answer. They all exited the booth.

"Hey, Kaylee." Carlos said, slipping his han into mine. "What are you doing here?"  
>I shrugged. "I just wanted to hear you sing."<p>

"Oh. Cool. Do you want to come to the Palm Woods with us? We're gonna hang out at the pool."

"Sure. Sounds like fun." I quickly led Carlos out of there before Gustavo could say anything to me.  
>We were all laying in beach chairs by the pool when Kendall said,<p>

"So...?"

"Soo...what?" I asked.

"So, what's up with you guys?" James asked, pointing to me and Carlos.

"What are you talking about?" Carlos asked.

"Aww, c'mon, we saw you guys in there!" Logan cried.

"So, are you dating now or what?" Carlos and I glanced at each other, and we both shrugged.

"I dunno..." Carlos mumbled. "I guess."

"What do you mean, 'you guess'?" Kendall yelled. "You guys were holding hands! YOU'RE HOLDING HANDS RIGHT NOW! Are you dating or aren't you?"  
>I pondered the idea for a moment before answering,<p>

"Yeah..." I glanced at Carlos and he smiled.

"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? " Logan and James screamed, and everyone stared at us. I blushed.

"Yesterday. You know, MY _birthday. _That you all forgot!" I yelled, and they sat there, red-faced and wide-eyed.

"Yesterday was your b-birthday?" Logan stammered, and Carlos and I nodded.

"Kaylee, we're so sorry!" They all yelled in unison.

"It's okay. If you had, me and Carlos wouldn't be dating," I said and leaned over and kissed him.

"Aw." Logan said. "Just don't do that too often." We both rolled our eyes.

"Hey." we looked up and saw Sam and Max standing in front of us.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, in an annoyed tone.

"This is the Palm Woods pool. It's a puclic place.  
>Sam said, in he know-it-all voice. <p>

"I know that. I meant, what are you doing _here?_ As in that spot? By me?"

"Aw, c'mon, Kaylee, let 'em stay." Carlos said, and I glared at him.

"Fine. Just don't cause any trouble."

"We won't." They pulled up two beach chairs beside us. We all just closed our eyes and sunbathed, and Carlos and I played footsie with our hands (cuz handsie or w/e sounds gayy).

"You guys are boring." Sam said.

"Then leave." I said. I heard a splash in the pool, and I opened one eye and saw that Max was gone. But Sam was still there, staring at the ground.

"Hey, Sam, why don't you go hang out with Kendall's little sister, Katie? I think she's right over there." I pointed to her.

"She's like, 10."

"So? Max is 10, and you hang out with him. And I hang out with Katie. What's your point?" 

Sam rolled her eyes, and got up to go find Katie.

"'She's like, 10'." Kendall mocked, and I laughed. "You're right, Kaylee, she _is_ annoying."

"I know right?" I said, laughing, and everyone else laughed, too. "She's not that bad, though. She's a little nicer once you get to know her. A little."

That night, after we got home, we were eating dinner, and I got a text from Carlos. Gustavo leaned over to see what it said which was:

CARLOS: 'Heyy babe'

"What did I tell you about dating the dogs?"

"Why can't I date him? I'm not interfering with your work or anything."

"_Because_ if it doesn't work out, I don't want it to get all tense between you and my dogs, and I don't want it to affect my work!" 

"How do you know it won't work out?" I asked. "And anyways, what are you going to do to stop us? I mean, you work all day, and Carlos and I hang out at the same places. And we were best friends before that, so even if it didn't work out, we would probably make sure that we went back to being just friends." Gustavo sighed and glared at his dinner.

"Fine, I suppose you can date him. But I still don't like it."

"Thanks."

"I've also decided I don't like something else. You three disastrous kids living in the same house. My house. Together. You're bound to pull a stunt that will have the police on my doorstep anytime soon." I smirked. Oh, how kind of him to say something like that. "So, I've decided to hire you a nanny." I spit my chewed up food across the table.

"_What? _ No! I don't want a nanny!" I moaned. "I don't want some old cranky lady telling me what to do all day! And I also don't want everyone to think I'm some prickish rich girl with a NANNY!"

Gustavo glared at me. "Eva's not some cranky old lady, and she should be here any minute." DING DONG! "Or now." My dad got up and answered the door, and I put a forkful of chicken in my mouth. He came back with a dark-haired girl who couldn't have been older than 20. I spit my chewed up chicken all over the table after seeing her.

"KAYLEE! Seriously, keep your damn food in your fucking mouth!" Sam yelled, and threw a chunk of my chewed up chicken at me. I ignored her.

"THIS is Eva?"

"Yes." my dad said. "I figured that she could get through to you all easier if she was closer to your age." Damn, he was good.

"But you!" Sam said, gesturing to Eva. "Why does someone as _gorgeous_ as you-" Did I mention that Eva was fucking supermodel gorgeous? Well, she is. "-be doing working as a NANNY?" 

Eva shrugged. "Hey, it's a job. Hollywood is tougher than you think. And besides, I love kids."

It was later than night, and I was in my room, texting Carlos, and Jo and Camille, and the rest of BTR all at the same time, telling them about me very beautiful, very YOUNG nanny.

CARLOS: 'whoa, she's 20?'

KAYLEE: 'well i dont rly no how old she RLY is but she was young enough 2 pass off as a teenager'

CARLOS: 'whoaaa...well is she cool?'

KAYLEE: 'idk i just met her'

"Kaylee? Can I talk to you?" I looked up and saw Eva in the doorway. I set my phone down beside me.

"Yeah, sure." She sat down on the bed next to me.  
>"I know you feel a little uncomfortable having a nanny, and Gustavo told me everything about you, and I want you to know I'm there for you." <p>

"He told you everything about me? About how long my permanent record is? About how I set our house on fire, and that's why I had to come here?" She nodded, and I groaned. "About how I'm in therapy?"

"What? You're in therapy?" Oh yeah, my dad doesn't know I'm in therapy. Nobody knows but Carlos. Damn.

"Uhh yeahh, its nothing really. Just to deal with...stuff."

"Oh. Well, I can tell that you're a very sensitive girl-" I snorted.

"Me? Sensitive? Just wait till you're here a few weeks. NOBODY in my family is sensitive. Not even close."

"I just wanted to say that we're only only 4 years apart, you're 17 and I'm 21. I know your dad hired me as a nanny, but I don't really think of you as a kid. That would be like thinking of me as a kid. And believe me, I'm not a kid. So, I just want you to think of me more as a friend. Okay?" 

"Yeah, sure." My cell phone buzzed, and I glanced at it.

"You can get that."

"Okay, thanks."

CARLOS: 'hello? u there? whats going on?'

KAYLEE: 'nm just talking 2 eva. and yeahh shes pretty cool'

I set my phone down.

"Who was that?"

"Carlos uh, my boyfriend."

"Oh, you have a boyfriend? Not that I'm surprised, how could you NOT have a boyfriend, being as pretty as you are?" I smiled. I like her.

"Thanks."

"So, how do you know him?"

"Um. he's a member in my dad's new boy band. He doesn't really like that I'm dating him, though."

Eva smiled. "I'll work on him." I REALLY like her!


	13. Steve is Here

Everything was going pretty well in my life. But I should have known that good things in my world don't last long. I figured that out the next day.

I was riding on the elevator with Carlos, Kendall, Logan, and James when two others got on, and my heart stopped.

No.

It couldn't be.

"Oh, hello, Kaylee." Steve said, looking me dead in the eye. Only I could see the hidden smirk on his face.

"Uh, h-hi, Steve. Hi, Mom." It took Carlos a moment to figure out who they were, but when he did, he side-stepped in front of me, so that I was practically hiding behind him. He slipped his hand into mine.

"Kaylee, this is your mom and your step-dad?" Kendall said. "Why didn't you tell us they were coming?"

"I didn't know." I turned to look at them. "Why _are_ you here?" Steve smiled at me.

"We got the charges dropped. It was all one big mistake. So, we decided to come out here and live at the Palm Woods, you know, keep an eye on you kids. We're not ready to bring you home just yet." Steve explained, and evil glint in his eye and I gulped. Remember when I told Dr. Greene (my therapist) that I wasn't afraid of Steve?

Well...I lied.

We got to floor 4 and Steve and my mom got off with their luggage, and then we went down to floor 2.

"They seem nice," James said and I faked a smile and nodded. They seem nice, my ass! I wanted to scream at him. He wouldn't be saying that if he had been beaten so many times that your shirts can't hide the bruises anymore!

We got to floor 2, and Kendall, James, and Logan got off. "Are you guys coming?" they asked, and Carlos shook his head.

"We're gonna go down to the pool. We'll catch up with you guys later." 

"Okay." The doors closed, and I backed up against the wall and sank to my knees.

"This can't be happening!" I moaned. "They _can't_ do this to me!" Carlos knelt down in front of me.

"I don't know how to deal with this yet, but I know something that will make everything better. For a little while." He put something in my palm, and closed my hand into a fist.

I opened my hand and saw a beautiful necklace. The chain was silver, and the pendant was a blue C.

"C for Carlos?" I guessed, and he looked horrified.

"Your name doesn't start with C?" I gasped, and he laughed.

"Kidding! Yeah, C for Carlos. Do you like it?" I nodded, and he put it around my neck.

The C was blue. Sky blue.


	14. Kisses

Later that day, my mom made me come by her and Steve's new apartment to check it out. I didn't want to be there. I was deathly afraid of Steve. And I hated my mother with a fiery passion.

"Oh, Kaylee, we're so happy that we could be there with you!" My mom cried, giving me a hug. I didn't hug her back.

She got the hint.

"I'm gonna go make some dinner," she said, and rushed off to the kitchen. "Bitch..." I thought.

Steve turned to face me. "I'm glad we came up here, too. A girl like you needs discipline." He brought his hand up to my face, and I flinched back; I thought he was going to slap me.

Instead, he brushed hair from away from my face. I stared at him, confused.

"W-what are you doing?" He didn't answer me. He only grabbed my waist and pressed my body against his. "What-? What the FUCK?" 

He still didn't answer me, he only pressed his lips to mine. My eyes widened in surprise. He pressed his lips so hard against mine that it hurt. They weren't like Carlos's kisses...gentle and sweet.

I then became afraid. What was he going to do to me? Sure, he had abused me tons of time before, but he had never...raped me before. I beat my fists against his chest, and tried to struggle away from him, but he had an iron grip.

He leaned back, and I opened my mouth, but he put his finger on my lips.

"Don't scream."

"What about my mom?" I mumbled.

"She'll never know..." He shoved his lips against mine again, and I continued to struggle. His grip faltered, and I pushed away fron him.

"Get away from me!" I yelled.

"You little bitch!" he screamed, and grabbed me by the hair, and shoved me into the wall. I let out a whimper. 

He bashed my head against the wall a few times, and threw me. I tumbled across the bed, and onto the floor. I lay there, sobbing. He kicked me in the stomach.

"That'll teach you to disrespect _me!_" My mom came running in.

"What happened?"

"Your daughter is a stupid little _bitch!_" he snapped, and my mom looked at me.

"Kaylee, I think you should leave." I got up, tears streaming down my face, and ran out of the room. 

I fingered my necklace. Everything would be okay. But then I felt the fresh bruise on my head. Everything would _not_ be okay. Not for a while now. I looked down at my necklace again. But they would be, in time.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and texted Carlos:

KAYLEE: "Meet me on the 3rd floor next 2 da elevator."

CARLOS: "Y? What happened?"

KAYLEE: "Just meet me there." 

I sat, chin resting on my knees, trembling in the corner next to the elevator. Carlos sat criss-cross applesauce next to me when he got there, and just held my hand. That was one of the good things about him. He doesn't push. He just waits until you're ready to talk.

"What happened?" he whispered, finally.

"Steve...he tried to...he started like, kissing me and then I told him 'no' and he beat me up." I laid my head on his shoulder and cried. He stroked my hair and laid his head on mine.

When I finally took control of my sobs, he lifted his head off mine, and I lifted my head off his shoulder. Then we looked at each other for a second, and then he leaned over and kissed me, gently. I leaned towards him and our kisses got a little rougher, but not too rough. Just right. It was the best kiss of my life.


	15. Gustavo Has a Girlfriend?

*******Sam's POV*****  
><strong>  
>I was wandering around my dad's mansion when I heard Eva and my dad talking in hushed voices in his bedroom.<p>

"But why can't we just send the kids to live with Carol and Steve? They would be off our hands, and we could spend some extra time together..." Gustavo said, and I stuck my finger in my mouth, indicating vomit. GROSS! Was my dad coming onto Eva?

"We can't! If we let them live with Steve and your ex-wife, then what reason would you have to keep me around? I'm supposed to be the NANNY! The kids will get suspicious."

"C'mon, Eva, they'll never know!"

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but they're smart kids! Sooner or later, they'll figure out that we've been dating for years and you only hired me because..." I heard giggling and kissing, and used my fingers as a pretend gun, to commit suicide. 

HOW FUCKING GROSS IS THAT? My dad has been dating EVA for "years"? She's like, 20! And he's like, OLD! Again, EWW! 

"And besides," Eva continued. "Carol and Steve got charged for CHILD ABUSE. Just because the charges were dropped doesn't mean that they're innocent. Would you really want to put your kids in that kind of danger?" I pumped my fist in the air in silent triumph. Way to go, Eva! Finally, there was someone in this family almost as smart as me. Or even remotely close. And I couldn't stand it if I had to go live with Steve again. I hated him. I FEARED him. I knew Kaylee feared him, too, she just wouldn't admit it. One person that she never attempted to hide her hatred for was our mother. She often told me that she was spineless and weak.

I just feel sorry for her. I know Steve abuses her, too. Otherwise, she would stand up for us in a heartbeat. She's just afraid. What kind of marriage is that?  
>Gustavo sighed. "I guess you're right." I heard kisses, and stuck my fingers into my mouth again.<p>

Then, I ran downstairs to the media room to go tell Max and Kaylee.  
><strong><br>*****Kaylee's POV***

"GUSTAVO AND EVA ARE DATING?" I yelled and Sam shushed me.

"Don't be so loud! They don't know I know." she said.

"EWWW!" I moaned. "Poor Eva!" Max laughed.

"Yeah. Why would someone as pretty as her be with  
>Dad?" Sam and I looked at each other and smirked. Then we yelled in unison:<p>

"AWW! Does wittle Maxxy have a crush on Eva?" His cheeks blushed red.

"Eww, n-no!" He stuttered. "I was just saying." Sam and I laughed.

"Shut up!" Max shouted.

"Whatever," I continued. "I still can't believe Gustavo and Eva have been dating and he used the whole nanny thing as a cover. I mean, why not just tell us?" Sam and Max shrugged.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask 'em?" Sam asked.

"You ask 'em! You're the one who snooped!" I yelled.


	16. The Porcelain Friend

Mascara-tears dripped down my face and slipped into the toilet water, staining it black. I gripped the toilet seat so hard that my knuckles turned white. I felt a little guilty that I was doing this again. And hiding it from Carlos.

But this is all his fault, really. He should have kept his distance. He should have left me alone and avoided all this crap. If he had, I wouldn't always have to lean on him. I wouldn't always be so weak. I wouldn't be doing this to myself to please him.

He always told me how beautiful and perfect I was.

Yeah, sure, he said that now. When I was skinny and pretty. But what happens when I pack on a few pounds? What then? The questions swam around in my head as I stuck my finger down my throat.

It made me feel so pretty when I was blowing up chucks into the perfectly white toilet bowl. I wiped the vomit from my lips and picked myself up from off the floor. I wiped away my tears, too. 

I thought about all of the bad things that had happened to me: Steve, my mom, etc. There were so many other things, too. I acted all tough, but it was only to cover up how weak I truly was inside. 

How I was bleeding on the inside, and trying to cry out for help.


	17. The Proposal

*ONE WEEK LATER*

Sam, Max, Eva, and I were all sitting on Gustavo's $40,000 Peruvian Couch, watching 'Hush Little Baby' when Gustavo came in and turned on all the lights, and shut the TV off.

"HEY!" Max yelled.

"Dude!" Sam yelled.

"What's your problem?" I yelled.

"I have an important announcement. Eva isn't really your nanny. She's my girlfriend." We all shrugged.

"We know."

"Wait, what? You know?" Eva asked, surprised.

"Sam was eavesdropping at your door." I said, and my little sister gave me death glares.

Eva and Gustavo's jaws dropped. Then they seemed to get over it. "Listen, Eva. I love you. And I just wanted to know..." Gustavo knelt down on one knee, and pulled out a ring. "...will you marry me?"

My jaw dropped. My dad was actually capable of loving someone? NO WAY!

"Yes." Eva said, and took the ring, a smile on her face.


	18. Regrets

I was in my room, packing all of my clothes and pajamas, make-up, etc. into a suitcase. Eva and Gustavo were dragging the whole family to a hotel in Vegas for their wedding. Their families will be coming, and some of Eva's friends, but my dad let me bring BTR and Jo and Camille because he's well, Dad, and he doesn't have any friends. Oh yeah, and Kelly and Mrs. Knight and Katie are coming, too. This weekend was going to be epic!

"You almost done?" Sam asked, appearing at my doorway.I nodded.

"Almost."

"Kaay, cool." She went over to my bed and sat down. She was quiet for a moment.

"Do you need something?" I asked, annoyed. I needed my privacy. She shrugged, and looked at the floor.

"Noo..."

"Then leave."

"It's just..." I rolled my eyes. Great, now we were going to talk about FEELINGS.

"What?"

"You're lucky." I scoffed.

"Me? I'M lucky? I'm like, the least luckiest person in the world, and you know it." Sam was silent. I zipped up my suitcase and sat next to her. "How am I lucky?"

She sighed. "Cuz you have Carlos. I don't have anybody."

"You have me."

"But you're always hanging around with your friends. You don't want anything to do with me."

"This is true...but I might be able to tolerate you if you become friends with my friends."

"Really?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Now get out." I pointed to the door, and Sam grinned. Then she left.

**VEGAS******

My dad rented4 hotel rooms right next to each other: one for him and Eva (gross, right?), one for me, Sam, Jo, and Camille, one for Max and Eva and Gustavo's families, and one for BTR and Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Kelly. I shoved my suitcase intoa corner, and then went out into the hallways to scream and run around with my friends and family.

**THAT NIGHT******

Jo, Camille, Sam, and I were sitting on our beds (me and Sam; Jo and Camille) watching a movie when Kendall knocked on the door and asked if anyone wanted to go get some sodas with him. Sam, Jo, and Camille all went (the movies was boring) while I stayed behind. I needed to be alone.  
>I went into the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat.I had to do it quick, if I wanted to get it done before they came back. Then the realization of what I had done hit me like a punch in the gut.<p> 


	19. Everyone Knows

I ran out of the bathroom, my eyes wide. I felt sick to my stomach. Not because I threw up, but out of guilt. Where could I go? Where could I hide where no one would find me? And see me wallowing in my shame and weakness. I think that if anyone saw me like that, I would just die.

At that moment, the door opened and Jo and Camille walked in.

"Whoa...Kaylee, what happened?" Jo cried, shutting the door behind her.

"Are you OK?" Camille yelled as the two of them rushed up to me. I turned around and saw myself as they saw me: my cheeks stained with mascara tears, and a tortured look of guilt upon my face. My hands were balled into fists, and my blonde hair was strewn about my head, my bangs covering my right eye completely.

I could lie, but...I was tired of lies. Sure, I could lie to my parents. I did it all the time, and would continue to for the rest of my life. But no more lying to my friends.  
>I told them everything: about my bulimia, about Dr. Greene, and about how I started making myself throw up again. The only part I left out was how Steve abuses me. I couldn't bear to tell them that. Not yet. <p>

My words came out fast, and all jumbled together so that they didn't make any sense to me, but Jo and Camille seemed to understand. But they didn't react the way I thought they were. They didn't scoff and glare at me like I was dirt. They didn't think I belonged in the nut house. They didn't judge me; they were just sad. Sad that this had happened to me, and they wanted to help me.

Suddenly, I felt really stupid. Jo and Camille were my BEST FRIENDS. How could I have expected them to react any different than they did? How could I have thought that they would want nothing to do with me after they found out my secret (or part of it)?  
>How could I have thought that Logan and Kendall and James would act that way once they found out? I suddenly felt very ashamed, for thinking that they would react that way. Any of them. Did I really know them? A part of me doubted it, because I thought so lowly of them. But I knew that this was only how everyone else had treated me. It was what I was used to. But still...<p>

Jo reached out and gently touched my arm. I tensed up, but didn't pull away.

"What can we do to help?" she whispered, as if she raised her voice too high, she would scare me. I didn't care, I didn't feel anything. I just felt numb.

"Do you want us to go get Carlos?" Camille asked, softly. Blindly, I nodded. They both nodded, too, and silently exited the room. I blinked a few arms, and then regretted my decision. I had gotten better. All of his help had gone to waste. I didn't want him here. I didn't want him to know. 

I looked around the room for somewhere to hide, but there was nowhere. So I just fled to the corner in the very back of the room, behind me and Sam's bed. I huddled there, and hugged my knees to me. I rested my forehead against there, and covered my head with my arms while I sobbed my heart out.

*Kendall's POV*

I was fooling around in the lobby with my best friends when Camille and Jo ran up to us looking worried and scared.

"What's wrong?" James asked. I slipped my hand into Jo's and looked at her, confused. She looked at me with a pleading look that said "I'll explain later".

"Carlos..." Camille said. "Kaylee's upstairs. She needs you." It took a few moments for Carlos to register what had been said, but then he and Camille, who was arm-in-arm with Logan, were running to the elevator. Jo dragged me after her in full speed.

I heard James' footsteps after me, and met up with Logan and Camille who were standing in front of the elevator.

"Where's Carlos?" James asked.

"He already went up. We're gonna wait down here, so we can explain everything," Camille explained, and she and Jo began...

**

"Wow..." I sighed. "I can't believe it..."

"Why didn't she tell us before?" Logan asked.

"I guess she was embarrassed." Jo said, shrugging.

"You should have seen the way we found her. She looked so sad, and so scared."

"Poor Kaylee…" James said.

"Poor Carlos..." Camille agreed.


	20. Heartbeat

*Kaylee's POV*

I heard the door open, and close again, but I didn't have to look up to see who it was. Carlos knelt down beside me, but I was unwilling to look at him. Or let HIM look at ME. Yeah, that makes more sense..

"What's wrong?" he whispered. I didn't answer, I just let out one sob after another.

"Kaylee, tell me what's wrong!" he begged.

"I did it again..." I sobbed. "I'm SO stupid...!"

"You did what again?" Carlos asked. I still wouldn't look up.

"Made myself throw up!" Admitting this made me cry even harder. I expected him to leave me here to cry, or to be angry or disappointed in me.

"It's OK, baby girl, we all make mistakes." he said.

"Why don't you hate me?" I moaned.

"How could I?" I looked up at him, and he just smiled at me. I scooted closer to him, and before I knew it, I was crying in his chest, and he had his arms wrapped around me tight.

"I'm so stupid...I can't believe I did it again...I ruined EVERYTHING! I ALWAYS ruin everything!" I moaned into his chest (still crying).

"You didn't ruin everything. Everything's gonna be OK. I promise." I nodded into his chest.

"I believe you. But it won't be...not for a while now. Eventually, but not soon." he was quiet for a while after that.

"Do you want me to stay here and watch a movie or something with you until you feel better?" he whispered. I could feel his lips brush against my ear. I smiled and nodded. He got up and then helped me to my feet, too. We walked over to the bed that Sam and I were going to sleep on, and both sat on top of the covers. He tossed his left arm over my shoulder and I laid my head on his chest. He turned on some movie, but I wasn't watching it. I was too busy counting his heartbeat.

1...2...3...4...

What would happen when-70 years from now-his heart stopped beating? What would I do then?

9...10...11...12...

I would die. Maybe not literally, but I would be dead inside. I would cry every day.

17...18...19...20...

I needed him. He was a part of me, and if one day, he was gone...

28...29...30...31

My head rose and fell as his chest did as he breathed, and my eyes fluttered shut.

37...38...39...40

"I love you.." I murmured, and he reached up and stroked my hair.

44...45...46...47

I held my breath as I waited for his response.

52...53...54...55

"I love you, too, Kaylee. So much."

59...60...61...62

I smiled.

66...67...68...69

I drifted off to sleep, with a smile on my face.

Logan's POV

After nearly a half an hour, we all decided to go back up to our hotel rooms. Camille and Jo poked their heads in while Kendall, James, and I stood in the hallway. They looked back and smiled.

"I think we should sleep with your mom and Katie and Kelly tonight," Jo whispered to Kendall. I peeked in with Kendall and James and saw Kaylee and Carlos laying on top of the covers of a bed, Kaylee's head on Carlos' chest, and Carlos' arm on Kaylee's back. They were both sleeping.  
>I smiled. They were kinda' cute like that.<p>

"Yeah.." I agreed and we all knocked on Mrs. Knight's hotel room door.


	21. Getting Drunk at the Wedding

It was the next day in the afternoon, and I was standing in a community center with Jo, Camille, and Sam. We all had on pretty dresses and had our make-up and hair done.

We were all in the front row of the bleachers. We were waiting for Big Time Rush.

"UGH, when are they gonna get here?" Camille moaned, searching the crowd for her boyfriend. I giggled.

"Camille, relax. They'll get here in time," Jo soothed. I had wished to trade my life for anyone else's my whole life, but it was Jo who I envied most. I didn't understand how she could be so rational and calm all the time, and so patient and shy. She was beautiful and smart, and I wanted more than anything to be like her. But everyone knows that a person can't just change.

"Ooh, there they are!" Sam said, pointing. The three of us followed her gaze, and smiled when we saw the face that we wanted to see most. Big Time Rush joined us in the bleachers.

"Hey, guys," they said and we all smiled.

"Hey." We all sat down and the ceremony began. Gustavo stood at the front with the priest, and the music played and Eva walked up the aisle. She reached Gustavo and the priest, and they held hands and read their vows, and then ended with their "I do's" and then they kissed.

Then came the reception. We got a DJ and everything, and there was a disco ball and flashing whole place was booming.

Jo, Camille, Sam, and I were sitting around the snack table...we can't dance...

Then "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha came on, and we went out to the dance floor and spazzed out.

"TIK TOK ON THE CLOCK BUT THE PARTY DON'T STOP NO!" We screamed and waved around. Big Time Rush came up to us, laughing.

"Having a good time?" they asked, amused.

"YEAHH!" We screamed, and they covered their ears, and we all laughed.

"YOU WANNA DANCE?" Logan asked Camille, shouting to be heard over the music, and she nodded. They left us. Kendall pointed at Jo, then at him, and then nodded his head to the dance floor. She smiled and nodded and they left, too. Then it was just me, Sam, Carlos, and James. It was quiet for a while.

"So, you guys wanna go in the back and raid my dad's beer supply?" I asked. "After all, it's not a party without spiked drinks and someone passing out." Sam laughed, but Carlos and James looked uneasy.

"Oh, come on, Kaylee have done this tons of times!" Sam yelled. "OK, so only a couple of time, but still. Nothing to worry about."

"It'll be fun." I said.

"PEER PRESSURE!" James asked, and Sam and me cracked up. Not sure why...

"So are you guys in or what?" I asked. "I mean, we don't have to if you guys don't want. I know it was meant to be a joke, but James is right, I don't wanna peer pressure you guys into doing anything you don't wanna..."

"I'm in," James said. "First time for everything, right? Besides, I'm bored." I smiled.

"Me, too." Carlos piped up. "To hell with maturity."

"YEAHHH!" Sam and I yelled and she did a fist-pump. We all went into the back room, and grabbed a few beers each. Then we hung out in an abandoned room in the back with snacks and sodas in it. Even thought I don't know why it was abandoned.  
>We all opened our first beer clans, and made a toast.<p>

"To Eva and Gustavo!" Sam yelled. "Or...something." We laughed, and took our first drink.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

James and Sam were gone to the world. As passed-out drunk. Aah, newcomers. It was just me and Carlos left (I had gotten drunk before...don't ask...)

"Dude, you should be on the floor right now," I teased, and Carlos just smirked as he jumped around the room like a kangaroo.

"Oh, please! I'm not even drunk!" He yelled, slurring his S's. I just grinned and rolled his eyes.

"You do know that we're all gonna be in SO much trouble...WHEN not if, we get caught." I told him, taking another gulp from my third beer.

"Yeah, the thing about that is...I don't care!" He shouted.

"Shh, dude, you are SO loud!" I cried, bursting into a fit of giggles. He only smiled at me, grabbed my hand, and hoisted me up from the chair.

"Come dance with me!" he said and started spazzing out around the room, dragging me behind him.

"Dude, you are so wasted!" I yelled, grinning. But I just followed his lead, and half-danced, half-pranced around the room like drunk idiots (which we were).

"How mad do you think your dad will be?" Carlos wondered out loud. We were sitting in chairs, at the snack table now. (We were all spazzed out.) I shrugged.

"I dunno...no more than usual." He laughed. Then he took his helmet off, and put it roughly on my head.

"OW!" I yelled, giggling, and straightening it on my head. "Carlos, that hurt."

"I sorry." he said, and pecked me on the cheek. "Do you forgive me?"

"Yes."

"Yay!" he yelled, and I laughed out loud. He laid his right out arm on the table and rested his head on his arm. Then he just stared at me.

"Why are you staring at me?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"Nuthin...you're just really pretty. And I love you."

"Carlos, you're drunk."

"Yeah..but I said it before." Carlos thought for a moment. "...I think. Yeah, I did."

"Oh, well, I love you, too."

"YAY!" He screamed, and I smiled. Then he slumped down on the table and passed out. I giggled, and poked his arm with my finger. He was so cute when he was sleeping. 


	22. Bad Luck

_**Okay, so that last chapter and the ones coming up or sorta gonna show that in the story, they're a lot more dark and mature than in the show. They're like regular teens pretty much: they swear, have sex, get drunk, etc. I know it might seem kinda weird for them to be doing all that cuz Big Time Rush is a Nickelodeon show (it's weird for me, too) but just go with it. Remember, they're just like everyone else ;D**_

_**Love, Rachel**_

It was the next morning, in our hotel rooms. Surprisingly, we didn't get caught because I hid all the evidence, and told Gustavo and Eva that us four were talking and Sam, James, and Carlos fell asleep. They believed it cuz they were drunk, too.

Jo, Camille, Sam, and I were in our hotel room eating cereal and watching cartoons. Sam and I were suffering a major hangover, as in a beastly headache, and we both ate a lot of cereal so we would make Jo and Camille think that that was the reason we threw up that morning (if you know what i mean *wink wink*).

Then we went down to the lobby where Gustavo, Eva, Kelly, Katie, Mrs. Knight, and all family memberswere. Logan, Kendall, and James were all down there, and James was laying on the chair, looking dead. He said it was because he was tired, but Sam and I smirked at him because we knew the truth.

"Hey, where's Carlos?" I asked.

"He's still sleeping upstairs. We couldn't get him up." Mrs. Knight said, and I smiled.

"I'll go get him up."

"Yeah, I bet." Kendall said and flipped him off when his mom wasn't looking. Katie bust out laughing and I ran to the elevator before any questions were asked.

I knocked on the door that Big Time Rush had taken residence in.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Go away!" Carlos moaned, and I opened the door, and then shut it behind me. I walked over to the bed, and Carlos pulled the covers over his head. I giggled, and climbed into bed next to him, under the covers (not like that, you weirdos!)

I pulled the covers off of his head, but he had his eyes closed. I reached up and gently stroked his cheek.

"That feels good..." he murmured, and I withdrew my hand. I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. Then I threw the covers off me and walked to the door.

"Come back!" he moaned, and I turned around. He was on his back, his eyes open, and his head facing me. He had his left arm stretched out. I grinned, and gave him a low-five.

"No! Get out of bed, you lazy bum," I joked, smiling, and walked out of the room.

The next day, everyone moved out of the hotel, and went back to their homes (Gustavo's mansion, the Palm Woods, etc.). That's when my good weekend stopped. I had to deal with Steve and my mom again.

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?" Steve yelled, grabbing me roughly by the shoulders.

"I...I didn't think-" I was cut off mid-sentence because he slapped me across the face. I looked up at him fearfully as my eyes filled with tears.

"Please don't..." I whispered. He ignored me and shoved me against the wall, and my feet collapsed from under me. He kicked me in the ribs a few times and my vision was clouded with tears.

"Next time TELL ME where you are when you disappear all weekend!" Steve shouted, and disappeared. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed until I was empty.

It was later that day, and I was sitting at my desk in the Palm Woods school. Carlos sat down next to me, smiling. Now that I think about it, when ISN'T he smiling? Another thing I love about him..

"Hey, Kaylee," he said.

"Hi." I said, shakily, and looked away from him. He gently took hold of my right arm, and I flinched. I peeked at him through my hair, and he slowly lifted up the short sleeve of my shirt to reveal three purple bruises. He breathed in a gust of air and just stared, wide-eyed. I pulled my shirt sleeve down, and I met his eyes. They were sad, and glistening with tears. He wiped his eyes to keep from crying, and I looked down at the ground.

"I'm sorry..." I murmured.

"...not your fault..." he whispered back, and I squeezed my eyes shut to keep from crying, too. I couldn't. Not at school. Not in front of everyone.

Then I heard the clatter of footsteps, and I looked up. Kendall was standing there, looking panicky.

"You guys.." he started, out of breath.

"What's wrong?" Carlos and I asked at the same time.

"Jo's mom just died."


	23. Depression

*Jo's POV*

I was sitting on my couch, cross-legged, staring at the floor with wide eyes. It seemed like I was numb inside. It seemed like everything else that was said and done around me went through one of my ears, swam around in my brain for a few seconds-meant nothing-and then went out the other ear. I couldn't focus on anything because making sure that I stayed numb inside, so I wouldn't feel the pain.

But thinking about avoiding brought my thoughts back to all that had happened, and no matter how hard I tried not to remember, the memory slipped into my mind:

_I had first arrived at the Palm Woods almost five months ago, with my dad. My mom stayed behind. I called her almost every day, and a few days ago, I accidentally let it slip that my singing career was starting to take off. She insisted that she come up to see me, and meet my friends, and Kendall.  
>We had the whole weekend planned out: she would fly out here, and we would do some bonding, she would meet Kaylee and Camille and Kendall, and everyone else, blah blah blah. Except one thing, my mom was terrified of planes. I tried to convince her to drive here or take a train, but she told me that a plane would be quicker, and it was about time she faced her fear.<br>But the plane crashed, and there were no survivors. At first, I couldn't believe it. My dad was heartbroken, and I didn't believe him when he told me...I didn't want to believe him. But the denial didn't last long...it sunk in after about 10 minutes, and Kendall was the first to find out, of course. Right now he was probably going to get Carlos and Logan and James and Sam and Kaylee and Camille. But I didn't want them to come. I didn't want to hear their heartfelt sorry's when in real life, they didn't know what it was like. I just wanted to be alone. I NEEDED to be alone._

There was a knock on the door.

"Jo?" Kendall called from the hallway. "Can we come in?" I took a shaky breath, and called back:

"Sure."

The door opened and Kendall walked in with Kaylee, Sam, Camille, Carlos, James, and Logan. Didn't I call it?

I also called how they would react. They did their fake "I'm sorry's" and stayed for a few moments to try and fail to make me feel better, then they made fake excuses so they could leave and get on with their lives. Only Kendall stayed.

He sat down next to me. "Are you OK?" he asked.

"No."

"Ohh...that's what I thought." Silence. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

"You can't."

"Oh."

*Kaylee's POV*

Carlos and I were walking down the stairs from Jo's apartment.

"Poor Jo..." Carlos said, sighing, and I nodded.

"Yeah. It's so horrible. She seems pretty shaken up."

"I feel kinda' bad that we couldn't stay longer."

"Yeah...but Kendall's still there. She'll be OK for now." Carlos stared at me. "What?"

"It's just...never mind."

"No, what?" I pushed.

He sighed. "You don't even seem that sad that Jo's mom died. I mean, how would you feel if your mom died and Jo didn't care?"

"OK, first of all, if my mom died, I-well, let's just say that I wouldn't be all that sad. And second of all, I DO care. I never knew Jo's mom, but I care about Jo, so I care. It's just...I know that if Kendall's there with her, she'll be OK for a while. Trust me, I know." I shot him a smile. "And besides, what could she possibly do from the time Kendall leaves tonight and when Camille, Sam, and I go to visit her tomorrow after school?"

THE NEXT DAY

I walked out of the elevator on Jo's floor, my hands shoved in my pockets. Sam and Camille bailed...or postponed until later tonight (Sam had boatloads of homework, and Camille had an acting audition...or something). I knocked on Jo's door, but there was no answer.  
>I frowned and knocked again. "Jo? It's me, Kaylee." No answer. There was just silence behind the door, and it scared me. I tried the handle, and it was unlocked. Hmm...<br>I turned the handle, and quietly stepped into Jo's apartment. There was an eerie stillness that filled the air, and I immediately knew something was wrong.

"Jo?" I yelled, and there was still no answer. I rushed up the stairs to her room, and found the door locked.

"Jo, open the door!" I practically screamed, pounding on the door so hard that it rattled in the frame. There was only silence behind the door, so I knelt down and took the lollipop from my pocket, and stuck the stick in the lock. I worked at it for about a minute until I heard a click. I scrambled to my feet, and threw the door open.

Jo was standing in front of her dresser, a huge gash on both of her arms, and the blood was pouring all over the carpet, staining it bright red.

I let out a scream, but my hands flew to my feet, stifling my cries, and covering my nose. I couldn't stand the sight of blood, and if I smelled it, I passed out cold. Jo looked up at me, her eyes wide, and she dropped the knife onto her dresser with a clatter.

"Kaylee, how did you get in?" she whispered.

"Fuck me..." I murmured, and then ran over to Jo, my right hand still covering half my face. She looked down at her arms, then whispered loud enough so that I could barely hear her:

"Call 9-1-1." I nodded, obediently, and dug my cell phone out of my pocket, and then dropped it. I scrambled to the ground, and picked it up as fast as I could.  
>I dialed 9-1-1 as fast as I could, and listened as the phone rang. My heart was racing the whole time, and I could barely understand the words that came out of my mouth as I talked to the operator.<p>

The ambulance arrived within minutes, and took Jo away on a stretcher. Tears filled my eyes, and I suddenly realized who I forgot to call.

I raced down the stairs of the Palm Woods, and took a limo to Rocque Records. I burst through the front doors, and sprinted down the everlasting hallways and twists and turns. With every step I took, the tears flowed harder and faster, until I tore open the door that my dad was recording with Big Time Rush, and I ran into the studio, and flung myself at Carlos.

He froze, and the music shut off, and Gustavo started screaming at me through the microphone to get the hell out of here.

"Kaylee, Kaylee, what's wrong?" Carlos asked. I pulled away from him, and wiped my eyes.

"It's Jo!" I cried.

"What? What about Jo?" Kendall asked me, frantically. I continued to wipe my eyes, and tried to gather my breath before answering. Kendall grabbed my arm.

"What about Jo?" he yelled.

"Hey, man," Carlos said, and took Kendall's hand off me.

"She's-she's in the hospital," I sniffled. "She tried to kill herself..." And then Kendall was gone.

I burst into tears again. "There was so much blood..." I sobbed. "It was so scary..." Carlos wrapped me in a hug, and I squeezed my eyes shut.


	24. At the Hospital

I stayed there long after everyone had left, standing in the recording studio, Carlos' strong arms wrapped around me, hugging me to his chest.

"There was so much blood...it was everywhere..." I moaned. "...and it was JO. It was horrible..."

"I know..." he murmured. I wanted to yell at him, and tell him that he DIDN'T know, he didn't see all the crimson red pouring from Jo's flesh, but I knew he was only trying to make me feel better, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Do you want to go to the hospital now?" Carlos whispered after a while. "Go see Jo?"

I shuddered. I loved Jo, but I had just see bucket loads of her blood on the floor, and now we had to go to the hospital? The two things that I was scared of most within an hour of each other. Not my best day.

"Oh yeah...you don't like hospitals..."

"No, no, it's OK..." I said, pulling away from Carlos to look at him. "We should go. Be there for Jo. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Kaay."

THE HOSPITAL

James and Logan were waiting outside Jo's room. Camille and Sam were sitting on the floor, crying. Kendall was inside, probably.

"Hey, guys." I said, quietly. I felt that if I was too loud, I would interrupt the awkward silence and stillness of the hospital. The presence of death and illness lingered in the air. A chill went up my spine.

"Hey," Logan and James said, louder than I had. I tensed up, but I didn't say anything.

"Are Kendall and Jo in there?" Carlos asked, nodding toward the door they were standing in front of. They nodded.

We walked around them, and entered the room. Jo was lying on the bed, looking pale and tired, and Kendall was sitting on a chair next to her, looking pale and worried. He looked up.

"Oh, hey, guys." Jo took one look at me, and looked away. What was her problem? I was the one who found her, if it wasn't for me, her ass would have-never mind...


	25. Always

_**A great chapter for all Kendall fans..**_

_**Rachel**_

*ONE WEEK AND 5 DAYS LATER*

Jo was able to come out of the hospital today. Things were still weird between us...well, between her. I was doing all I could to reach out to her, but she was pushing me away.

...Bitch...

Kendall was all excited. He had something romantic planned for them, to show her that she wasn't alone in her grieving and that he still cared about her...or something like that.

"C'mon, Kendall, you HAVE to tell me!" I moaned. I was in 2J, following Kendall around, bugging him into telling me what he and Jo were gonna do after she got out of the hospital.

"Jo will tell you all about it afterward, I'm sure," he replied.

"Are you guys gonna do it?" I guessed, excitedly.

"No! We are NOT gonna "do it". Now go away!"

"No! Tell me, PLEASE! I hate secrets! And surprises!" I moaned.

"It's true," Carlos said, coming up from behind me. "She does."

I looked at Kendall and nodded. Kendall rolled his eyes at me.

"Whatever. I'm still not going to tell you."

"UGH!" I groaned, and Carlos laughed at me. Grrr...

THAT NIGHT

*Jo's POV*

I knocked on the door to apartment 2J. This was Kendall's apartment, and he told me to meet him here tonight.

"Come in! It's open." he called and I did so. The apartment was all dark except for candles lighted in various places around the room.

"Kendall? What's going on?" I asked. One of the candles was picked up, and Kendall walked over to, his face covered with a orange-white glow from the candle. He held out his hand, and music started playing. It was "All or Nothing" by Theory of a Deadman. It was our song.

"Kendall? What are you doing?" I asked, as I took his hand, and he set the candle on the counter, and we started to dance.

"I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this. I'll always be there. I care about you." I smiled, and nodded.

"Thanks, Kendall. It's nice to know that..." I took a breath and explained what he had been waiting to hear for 2 weeks. "I tried to kill myself because..well, I don't really know. I wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't really thinking at all...I was just so sad...I thought my mom's death was my fault, and I didn't ask for help and..."

I hadn't realized I was crying until Kendall wiped away my tears with his palm.

"It's okay...I'm here...always."


	26. Confronting Steve

I cried out as Steve's fist smacked me. One blow after another. Endless, it seemed.

"Stop! Please, stop!" I moaned, but I was silenced by a blow to the head. My ears buzzed, and I blinked a few times to regain focus. Steve grabbed me, and dragged me by the arm, and tears leaked down my face.

"That boy is nothing but trouble! You will never speak to him again, understand?" He was referring to Carlos. Steve had seen me and him hanging out in the Palm Woods lobby, and he didn't like it. Well, fuck him.

I nodded, and then whimpered when he threw me down to the ground again. Whatever. Like I would really stay away from Carlos. I would play along in Steve's little game. Let him think he was winning.

The fact that he thought that he controlled ANY aspect in my life almost made me want to smile when I see him...almost...

Carlos and I were standing outside of Steve and my mom's apartment in the Palm Woods. Gustavo and Eva are making me spend a lot more time there. They think that I should get to be closer to them. Lucky me.

I shoved my hands in my pocket, and looked at the floor.

"Well...g'night," Carlos said, shyly, and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled. Then the door flew open, and Steve was there, glaring at me.

"She's done for the night," Steve growled, grabbing my arm, and yanking me inside. "Go home." I looked back at Carlos, my eyes wide. He just stared.

*Carlos' POV*

I stared as Kaylee was being yanked inside the apartment by her step-dad. I stood there, stunned as he slammed the door in my face.

What do I do?

The question rang in my ears. Kaylee had always told me not to get involved, and for some crazy reason I listened to her. But just now, when she looked at me, her eyes were screaming something different...

I heard a crash coming from inside, and Kaylee cry out. My anger flared up inside me, and I threw the door open. To my surprise, it was unlocked.

Steve was standing in the middle of the room, gripping Kaylee's right arm so hard that her face was twisted with pain.

*Kaylee's POV*

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!" Carlos screamed, and decked Steve hard across the face. So hard that it sent him sprawling backwards. I gasped. Carlos never swore.

Ever.

Steve suddenly had this look on his face, a look that I had seen many times before. He looked like he wanted to kill someone. And I was afraid.

"Don't hurt him!" I screamed at Steve. "Please don't hurt him!" Steve looked over at me, and for the first time in 5 years, he listened to me. He just glared at Carlos, and said:

"Get out of my apartment."

"Fine," Carlos said, glaring back at me. Carlos sidestepped over to me, and held his hand out. I was hesitant, but then I took it, and he helped me up. "We'll go."

Carlos squeezed my hand, and led me out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Then we ran. All the elevator. Just incase Steve was really mad, and had followed us. Just incase...  
>I held back the sob that so desperately wanted to come out. Carlos must have noticed the twisted look of sadness on my face, because he hugged me, and stroked my hair.<p>

"I love you..." he murmured, as if those 3 words would make all of my problems go away. I wish they could.


	27. Kaylee Needs Saving

My heart dropped like a ton of lead when Gustavo ordered me to go over to Steve's house. After what happened with Carlos...my step-dad would be beyond pissed. I knocked, carefully, on the door, and it flew open, and Steve was standing there. He glared at me, and yanked me into his apartment, slamming the door behind him.

"You little brat!" he hissed, and punched me hard against the face. I fell to the ground, and let out another whimper. But this time he didn't just leave me there to cry, he kicked me hard in the ribs over and over again. I let out a scream, and then he bended my left arm so far behind my back that I heard a crack, and I knew it was broken. I bit my lip to keep from screaming again.

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't just kill you right now," he growled, and his eyes were blazing. My heart pumped in my chest, because I knew he would do it. He would kill me. If he was mad enough.  
>And he was mad enough.<p>

I opened my mouth, but nothing came up. I couldn't focus on anything but the searing pain in my arm, and my ribs.

"You have been a pain in my ass for the last 5 years!" Steve snarled. "Always whining, and getting into trouble. Well, I'm SICK OF IT! You have no respect for ANYONE!"

"Respect...you have to earn it..." I gasped, and Steve clenched his fists. Then he turned and grabbed the lamp from the bedside table, and smashed it over my head. I screamed...I couldn't help it...and my head dropped like lead. I tasted blood, and it made me sick. My stomach did somersaults, and my vision went in and out with patches of black.

"Maybe this will teach you not to backtalk me!" he screamed. "This will teach you to blab our family business to other people!"

"Please don't kill me..." I pleaded, softly. I could already feel myself getting weaker and weaker, and

I fought to stay awake. He ignored my pleas, and kicked me one last time in the stomach. My eyes fluttered shut, and all my body parts went numb.

Steve was quiet. "Kid?" He called after a while, and then nudged me with his shoe. "Kaylee? Are you...are you alive?" I didn't respond, I couldn't. I was too weak.

"SHIT!" he screamed, and I heard him scrambling around the room. I opened my eyelids a crack and saw that he was packing. What a coward...

He threw clothes and food into his ratty old suitcase, and then sprinted out the door. And I could see by the look on his face that he wasn't coming back. He wouldn't dare.

I could feel myself slipping away, and tears spilled down my cheeks. I didn't want to die. But how could anyone suffer these injuries and live? I hurt all over.

With all the strength I could muster, I whispered,

"Carlos, come save me."


	28. Eva Does the Saving

I slipped in and out of consciousness (sp?) and it seemed like every part of me was hurting. I cried a little into my sleeve, but mostly I just stared ahead at the bed, focusing on trying to stay alive. But I could feel myself slipping away, and it scared me.

I closed my eyes, and played a little game that Sam and I used to (and still do) play. It's called "Anywhere But Here". It's a little game of pretend when you pick a place and a time of day, anywhere in the world, and you can be with anyone you want, from your sister to a celebrity that you don't even know. We used to play all the time before we moved to L.A.

Right now I was imagining where I wanted to be as I was dying, and who I wanted to be with...if it wasn't already obvious. I wanted him to be here, and I wanted him to take me in his lap, and I would whimper and beg myself not to cry and then I would cry, anyways, and I wanted him to stroke my hair and lie and tell me everything would be okay.

I opened my eyes again, and realized that pretending really WAS pretend, and I was going to die here all alone.

And I started to cry again. 

"Kaylee?" I moved my head a half-an-inch to look at the voice (and my head throbbed) and saw that it was Eva, standing in the open doorway. She rushed to my side. "Oh My God, Kaylee, what happened?" But I didn't answer, I couldn't. It hurt to talk. It hurt to do anything.

"I'm calling 9-1-1," she murmured and whipped her phone out. She talked to the operator, and it reminded me of...something. Someone that I knew needed help...but I couldn't remember...  
>Suddenly my eyelids felt really heavy, but when I closed them, Eva kept freaking out, and telling me not to die, and that I would be just fine.<p>

The ambulance came, and they took me away on stretchers, and put me in the back of an ambulance with a bunch of doctors, and it finally hit me that they were gonna take me to a hospital.

I started freaking out, basically. I started to breathe really heavily, and look all around, no matter how much it hurt my head. A nurse put her hand gently on my leg and told me to calm down, and when I didn't, they gave me some shots, and I started to get tireder and tireder.  
>I was sorta' grateful, cuz I knew I would have started crying, and I didn't want anyone besides Carlos to see me cry...ever.<p>

I started to get so tired that every second I was awake was like torture, and it seemed like all my organs were shutting down. So I gave into the drugs, and slept.

*Carlos' POV*

"...and we're halfway there..." I was in the recording studio with the other guys, and we were recording Halfway There. Eva-Kaylee's step mom-came in, looking worried and like she had been crying. Gustavo told us to cut the music, and we watched anxiously as Eva started to talk and talk and then Gustavo ran out of the room.

Eva and Kelly came into the recording studio, walking really slow.

"What happened?" Kendall asked.

"Carlos..." Kelly said. "Kaylee..."

"What about Kaylee?" I asked, frantically.

"She's in the hospital." Eva finished, and I ran out of the room as soon as she finished the sentence.


	29. Who's Fault Is It?

*Carlos' POV*

I was standing outside Kaylee's room in the hospital, and I was looking at her through the giant window on the wall. She was passed out on drugs, but she had woken up a few times in the last couple of days. She had been delirious (sp?), though..

Kaylee was hooked up to a ton of machines and stuff, and she was really pale. Gustavo, Eva, and I kept asking the doctors if she would be OK, but they said the same thing every time...that they weren't sure yet and they would have to wait and see.

"She lost a lot of blood" one of the doctors had said and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. "Kaylee hates blood, Kaylee hates blood, Kaylee hates blood" kept ringing in my ears, and it made me want to cry.

Finally, one of the doctors came out and said that she was awake, and we could see her now. Gustavo and Eva went first, being her parents and all, but then I went in as soon as they came out. She looked pretty much the same...still really pale, and she seemed to sink into her pillow.  
>Her whole face lit up when she saw me, and that made me feel a little better. Just a little.<p>

"Hi," Kaylee said, and I smiled. I pulled up a chair besides her...cot..thingy...and tried to think of something to say.

"How are you doing?" I finally asked, and she shrugged.

"Okay, I guess. The drugs are helping a lot with the pain."

"Oh, that's good." She smiled and nodded, but I could tell it was all an act to make me feel better. But it didn't work..actually it made me feel worse. I should be trying to make HER feel better.

"It was...it.." I tried to find the right words, but she just nodded.

"Yeah...Steve..."

"It was because of what I did that one time, wasn't it? He hurt you because of me..." I said, and I could feel the tears starting to escape.

"No...Carlos...don't think that.." she whispered, but I just ignored her and tried to wipe away my tears with my sleeve.

*Kaylee's POV*

I watched in horror as Carlos started to cry. He wasn't supposed to be the one crying! He shouldn't have to cry..I'm the one with the suckish life...

"Carlos, please don't cry!" I begged, but he didn't seem to hear me.

"This is all my fault!" he moaned. "I'm so sorry, Kaylee.."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't beat me up, Steve did!"

"Yeah, but...he did it because.."

"So?" i cried. "I knew this woul happen sooner or later...Steve's a bastard, and he...he..." I started to cry, too. "I dunno, maybe I deserve this...maybe if I were...better...or smarter..this wouldn't...Steve wouldn't..." Carlos leaned over and wrapped his arms aroun me. He pressed my face into his chest before I could finish, but I was glad. I didn't want to finish my sentence. But it had been bothering me for so long... that maybe I deserved this, that maybe this was God's way of punishing me for not being prettier or nicer..

Carlos stroked my hair, and for a while neither of us said anything. Then, he said: "Don't ever think that. You didn't do anything to deserve what Steve does to you. But I promise I won't let anybody ever hurt you again.."

"Okay.." I whimpered into his chest.


	30. Out of the Hospital

*TWO MONTHS LATER*

I was laying in the hospital bed, counting the ceiling tiles for the upteenth billionth time.

"Hey," I looked up a smile, but it didn't work. Hehe...

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself one day before you get out of the hospital, that's all."

Isighed, and flopped back on the cot-thingy.  
>"I'm just really bored. Entertain me, please?"<p>

"No!"

"Pleasee?" I gave him my pouty face and he gave in.

"You are evil," he said, and I smiled.

"NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE POUTY FACE!' I yelled, and giggled. "OK, so entertain me. I almost forgot."

"Darn."

"I'M WAITING!"

"Hmm..how about this?" He leaned over, and kissed me. Then he leaned back.

"Hey, where are you going?" Carlos smiled, and leaned back over by me. We kissed again and again, until it was more like making out...not that I had a problem with that...:)

"Ugh, GAG ME!" We looked up and saw Kendall standing there.

"Gladly," I said, smirking.

*THE NEXT DAY*

The doctors let me out of the hospital today. FINALLY! I couldn't stand being in that place any longer. I got changed into regular clothes, and Eva drove me home. Carlos was at rehearsal or something, so I just texted him:

KAYLEE: "I'm out! Freedom!"

CARLOS: "Lol i take it ur happy"

KAYLEE: "Hell ya! R u happy 2?"

CARLOS: "Of course. Y wouldnt i b?"

KAYLEE: "Idk i was just trying 2 make small talk."

CARLOS: "Aah i c."

KAYLEE: "Yep."

CARLOS: "R u going home?"

KAYLEE: "Yep. Y?"

CARLOS: 'Cuz i wanted 2 c u :("

KAYLEE: "Aww dont b sad ill prolly swing by the palm woods l8r 2day"

CARLOS: "Kk kool"

KAYLEE: "Yahh"

CARLOS: "Hey g2g gustavo is yelling me 2 PAY ATTENTION. lol"

KAYLEE: "Lol k byee and tell him i said 2 LAY OFF! lmao :D"

CARLOS: "Will do. Bye love you"

KAYLEE: "Byee love you too"

I turned my phone off and stared out the window.


	31. Star Tipping

Jo came over to our mansion for a sleepover, to hang out with me and Sam. It was like, 11:00 at night, and we were standing out in my front door...don't ask me why.

"I wanna try star tipping." Sam said.

"Me too." I said. Then I turned to Jo, and said: "Star tipping is when you focus on one star when you spin in a circle really fast for 30 seconds, and then someone shines a really bright light in your eyes, and you pass out. My older brother, Michael, did it when we were younger and it was really funny."

"Okay, you go first, Kaylee." Sam said.

"No, you go first!"

"No, you!"

"No, you it was your idea!" I yelled, and Sam sighed.

"Fine! Whatever!" Then she muttered, "Baby," and I smacked over her head. "OW!"

"You got a star?" I asked.

"How about that one? That really bright one?" Jo said, pointing, and Sam nodded. Then she started spinning really fast. Jo followed her around with her cell phone so she could shine the bright light in her eyes from her cell phone. Suddenly, Sam lost her balance, and fell face-first into the driveway.

I started cracking up but then saw she was hurt, and shut up. Sam ran inside, to the bathroom, and me and Jo stood in the living room like bums. I was still trying not to laugh..

Sam came downstairs and said her head was bleeding a little bit, but that she was fine, but she wanted to go to bed.

"Dude, it's like, 11:00." I said.

"So? And shut up! G'night."

"Nite." Jo said.

"Whatever." I murmured. Then Jo and I went into the living room to watch TV while I went on my laptop. I went on Facebook, but no one was good on chat. Then the name "Carlos Garcia" popped up and I clicked on it:

Kaylee: 'Heyy'  
>Carlos: 'Hey'<br>K: 'Whats up?'  
>C: 'Nm im just rly bored evry1 else is asleep'<br>K: 'Samee here pretty much jo is watching tv and sam crashed cuz of star tipping (ill explain l8r) and max is playing videogames and my dad and eva r off getting drunk somewhere'  
>C: 'Ooh fun lol'<br>K: 'Yaa ikr?'  
>C: 'I have 2 tell u sumthing.'<p>

"Ooh," Jo said, and I jumped. I didn't know she was reading over my shoulder.

"What?" I asked.

"He wants to tell you something.." I caught on, and grinned.

"Oh yeah. He better not break up with me, I will be soo pissed!"

K: 'What is it?'  
>C: 'BTR has 2 go on a 6-month world tour'<br>K: 'Ohh..'


	32. Four Romances

*Camille's POV*

Big Time Rush was going on a 6-month world tour, and they were leaving TOMORROW. How could Logan be leaving? Could I survive without him for a whole 6-months? I didn't know...

"Hey, Camille!" I looked and saw Logan.

"Hey."

"I have a surprise for you, come on." He took my hand, and led me to a limo.

"Logan, where are we going?"

"I already told you, it's a surprise. Now shush." I just rolled my eyes, and when the limo finally stopped, it stopped in front of a club.

"Logan! What are we doing here? Are we even old enough to get in that place?"

"We're old enough to get in HERE." Logan said, grinning, and led me inside. He led me to the front of a stage, and then disappeared. I spun around and around, looking for him, but I couldn't find him.

"Logan? Where the HELL are you? UGHHH!" I groaned, but looked up at the stage when I saw a familiar voice.

"Hey, everyone, it's Logan Mitchell from Big Time Rush-" The crowd went wild. "-and I'm only here to sing this song to my girlfriend, Camille," he gestured towards me. "before I leave for my world tour. Here we go: "Here I am, there you are, why does it seem so far? Next to you is where I should be, something I want so bad, know what's inside your head. Maybe I could see what you see. Gotta keep on believing, that everything takes time. I'll make up any reason, to make you mine. If you're staying or leaving, I'll follow your lead. So why keep pretending? Open your eyes, I can be what you need, any kind of guy you want, girl, that's the guy I'll be. Turn myself upside down. Any kind of guy you want, girl, you know I'll agree. Turn your whole world around. Any kind, any kind, any kind of guy you want, you decide, change your mind. I will be there, won't you try, one more try. Be my any kind of girl, you decide, it's alright, I will be there. You seem so hard to know, say goodbye, say hello, then you say that it's time to go, changing my point of view. Everyday something new, anything to get next to you. Gotta keep on believing, that everything takes time, I'll make up any reason to make you mine, if you're staying or leaving, I'll follow your lead, so why keep pretending? Open your eyes, I can be what you need, any kind of guy you want, girl, that's the guy I'll be, turn myself upside down, any kind of guy you want, girl, you know I'll agree. Turn your whole world around, any kind, any kind any kind of guy you want, you decide, change your mind, I will be there, won't you try, one more try, be my any kind of girl, you decide, it's alright, I will be there. Let me know if I'm getting through, making you understand, if it's wrong I'll try something new. Don't look away, cause I'm here to stay, if it's a game then I'm gonna play. Any kind of guy you want, girl, that's the guy I'll be, turn myself upside down, any kind of guy you want, girl, you know I'll agree, turn your whole world around, any kind, any kind, any kind of guy you want, you decide, change your mind, I will be there, won't you try, one more try, be my any kind of girl, you decide, it's alright, I will be there…Bring it back…Any kind, any kind, any kind of guy you want, you decide, it's alright, I will be there."

My eyes filled up with tears. I couldn't believe how sweet he was! He reached out his hand, and Itook it, and he dragged me onstage.

"I love you, babe." he said, and then we ran off the stage. 

3

*Jo's POV*

I was sitting on Kendall's couch, watching TV, trying to push the thought of him leaving tomorrow to the back of my mind. First my mom, then Kendall. Who's next? Why does everyone keep leaving?

Fuck. My. Life.

Suddenly the lights turned off. "Heyy!" I yelled. "Kendall, what happened with your lights?" The disco ball turned on, and so did background music.

"Kendall?" He appeared out of nowhere.

"I promised I would be there, I swear I'm on my way, I know you may not hear me, but that's the price I'll pay, and I don't know how I would ever go all alone walking on my own. Like angels, you were floating to me, and that's how it should be. 'Cause I don't wanna waste another moment, I don't wanna pay for things unspoken. I just wanna race with arms wide open, take a shot in the dark, to be where you are. I don't wanna watch the world keep changing, when I'm not with you my heart keeps shaking, cover up my eyes and just stop pacing, take a shot in the dark, to be where you are, I promised you I'm gonna be there, I wanna be there, no matter what happens, no matter how tragic. 'Cause the clock is ticking, the world is spinning, our lives are passing us by. 'Cause I don't wanna watch the world keep changing, when I'm not with you my heart keeps shaking, cover up my eyes and just stop pacing, take a shot in the dark, to be where you are. Take a shot in the dark..."

He took my hand, and I got up and he started the song all over again, and we started dancing really, really badly..

3

*Kaylee's POV*

I was sitting in my room, on my laptop, on Facebook, when suddenly my phone vibrated in my pocket:

CARLOS: "Meet me Rocque Records"  
>KAYLEE: "y?"<br>CARLOS: "Just do it"  
>KAYLEE: "I dont wanna. Im a lazy bum"<br>CARLOS: "Well get ur lazy butt up and meet me there. Bi c u there love ya"

I groaned, and went downstairs to get my shoes on.

I walked through the front doors of Rocque Records, where I was ambushed.

"Carlos?"

"Yep. Come on!" He grabbed my hand, and yanked me out the door so fast that I almost fell.

"Where are we going?"

"Shh! No questions!" He just jumped into the limo, and I sprawled on top of him.

"Geez, kid, you're gonna be the death of me," I joked, and he smirked.

"I'm only like, a month younger than you. I turned 17 a long time ago, so shut up!" He yelled as the limo started moving, and I smiled.

"Whatever you say, Junior."

"SHUT UP!" I started laughing like a crazy person, and then 5 minutes we arrived at our destination.

"A hockey rink?" I asked. "What are we doing here?"

"I'm doing something nice for you before I go on tour, so shut up and enjoy it!" He yelled, dragging me out of the limo.

"Isn't it supposed to be something that I like, and not YOU?" I said, grinning as we walked inside.

"I thought you said you liked hockey."

"I only said that to make you happy."

"So you don't like hockey?" I shrugged.

"It's okay."

"Good enough for me." He stepped out onto the rink.

"Uhh...I don't know a lot about hockey, but aren't you supposed to have ice skates and padding on or something?"

"Not today." Carlos held out his hand, and I took it and stepped out onto the ice.

Then fell.

On my ass.

"Owwie!" I yelled, and Carlos laughed at me. Then, he helped me up.

"Hockey isn't your sport," he joked.

"No, it is not," I agreed, and still holding hands, we walked out into the center. We were quiet for a while, then I pushed him, and yelled,

"TAG, YOU'RE IT!" Then I half-ran, half-slid across the ice. He tackled me to the ground.

"Now, you're it!" I flopped on my back, and looked up at him. Then we kissed, and I closed my eyes.

3

*Sam's POV*

I was sitting by myself on a beach chair at the Palm Woods pool. Everyone was out with their boyfriends, and I was feeling like a loner.

James sat down next to me, and I got butterflies in my stomach cuz I had always had a crush on him.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he replied.

"Where are the other guys?" I asked, and he sighed.

"Out with their girlfriends."

"How is it that they all have girlfriends and a pretty boy like you doesn't?" I teased.

"I know, right?" He yelled, and I laughed.

"Yeah, it's pretty quiet around here without Carlos and Kaylee well, being Carlos and Kaylee and spazzing out all over the place."

"Yeah..it kinda sucks not having a girlfriend before we go on tour."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that. Jo told me. And I'm sorry." Then James looked over at me.

"What?" I asked, blushing.

"Nothing...I just never realized how pretty you are."

"Umm..thanks?"

"It was a compliment."

"I know." Then he leaned over and kissed me.

3


	33. Leaving

I was riding in the limo with Camille, Jo, and Sam. We were following Big Time Rush to the airport.

They were leaving today.

They were leaving..

Today.

Last year Sam read the entire Twilight series in like, a day. She once told me that Bella-or whatever the hell her name is-felt like she had this gnawing hole of pain in her stomach after her vampire lover left (Edward, I think..?) and it made it worse every time she thought about him, or someone said his name.

I could already feel my hole.

How would I be able to survive the next 6-months? I should have known not to let people get too close...they all eventually leave you...

I could feel tears burning in my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away, so no one would see.  
>We got there, and followed BTR inside. We waited a few minutes for their plane, and then it was time for them to leave.<p>

Carlos took both my hands into each of his, and kissed me gently on the lips. "Bye..." he murmured, but I just nodded. He tried again: "I love you. And I'll miss you...so much."

I just smiled and nodded, but I didn't say anything. He was sad...I could see it on his face...he was sad because I didn't say I loved him, too, and that I would miss him. And I wanted nothing more than to tell him. To tell him that I loved him more than anything and that I would miss him so much that it would hurt.

But I couldn't.

Because that would only make the pain worse.

He dropped my hands and turned his back, staring sadly at the ground. My eyes filled with tears, and I wanted to call after him to wait. To tell him what he wanted to hear because it would make him happy.

But I couldn't speak. Not with the lump in my throat. I just watched him board the plane, and the hole in my gut throbbed.

I saw that Camille and Jo were crying, and for a split second, I thought it would be okay to cry in front of them, and my sister. To let them see me that weak.

But no.

I turned and rushed quickly to the limo where I blinked away my tears.

I couldn't cry in front of them.

Not ever.

That night I was laying in bed. All day I had struggled to keep my mind off Carlos so I wouldn't cry. That was the only way that I could keep myself from bawling my eyes out like Jo and Camille. 

Now there was nothing to keep my mind off of him.

I looked across the room at the bed that Sam slept in (we share a room now...we're sorta like best friends now...so yeahh..) She was breathing heavily, so yeah, I'm guessing she was asleep.

Then I shoved my face into my pillow, and cried. I couldn't help it.

I wished I had told him I loved him, and would miss him. I hated myself for not saying it...for making him upset...

_God, I'm such a selfish bitch..._ I thought, and that made me cry harder. The hole in my gut burned and I would give anything to make it stop, to make it go away, but it wouldn't.

In the book Bella had Jacob to make her hole go away.

That bitch doesn't know how FUCKING lucky she really is...


	34. Coping

I was laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Thinking, thinking, thinking. It had been 2 months since Big Time Rush left for their tour, and getting through each day hadn't gotten any easier. It was still like a struggle for survival.

"Kaylee?" I looked up and saw Eva standing in the doorway. Since Gustavo had went with BTR, things had been a lot quieter around here...haha.

"Yeah?"

"Come on. I want to show you something." I got up from my bed, and followed her to the garage door.

"Eva, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Well, you've seemed a little depressed since Carlos left. It's been hard for all of us...so I thought I would do something to cheer you up."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like this." She opened the garage door and I saw a light blue Chevy Impale (AKA a car).

"What's that?" I asked.

"A car, YOUR car," Eva replied.

"Wait, what? You bought me a CAR?"

"Yep."

"But-why-THANK YOU!" I hugged her, and then ran to my car. Sam and Max came out of nowhere.

"WHOA, WHAT'S THAT?" Max screamed.

"She gets a fucking _car_?" Sam yelled. "NOT. FAIR!"

"Suck it, bitch!" I yelled, and hopped into the driver's seat, and said to Eva: "Can I-"

"JUST GO!" She yelled, and I pulled out of the garage. I drove all around L.A. for hours, and still couldn't wear the shock off. I couldn't believe Eva got me a car! MY DAD WOULD NEVER GO FOR THAT! Haha, she is gonna be in some deep shit when Gustavo gets home!

EVA IS THE BEST STEPMOM...

EVER!

I like her better than my REAL mom! Who is a scaredy-cat bitch, but I'm not gonna think about her on this awesome day. :DD

_I can't wait to tell Carlos,_ The thought popped out of nowhere. Distraction. I needed a distraction...I pulled into a mall, and went running in.

And came out wearing the coolest sunglasses known to man.

No joke.

I felt a little guilty...I can't just buy stuff to keep my mind off Carlos. I wasn't going to be one of those shop-aholics...eww...

What else could I do?

I looked across the parking lot, and saw a "Guitar World" store. That was it! I had wanted to play guitar since I was like, 7. I could teach myself! That should kill a month or two! I ran across the lot, and bought a cherry red-and-white one.

I still couldn't wait to send Carlos bajillions of pictures of my car, and videos of me playing my guitar :DD in my sunglasses..hehe :P


	35. Finding Out

*Sam's POV*

I giggled as I got another cute text from James. We were practically dating now, and I felt all bubbly inside ALL the time. I told how Kaylee got a car, and James said that he already know because Carlos had shown them the pictures Kaylee had sent him.

"What are you laughing at?" Kaylee asked, popping up behind me, wearing her sunglasses. She never takes them off.

She thinks they make her look older.

"Oh, nothing." I said, and exited out of the text. I was fast, but not as fast as Kaylee.

"Why are you texting James?"

"Umm..."

"How did you even get his number?"

"Uhh-"

"ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH JAMES?"

DAMN, SHE'S GOOD!

"Damnnn, you're good!" I yelled. "How did you know?"

"How could you date JAMES? He's 2 years older than you! Do you know how _creepy_ that is?" She yelled.

"It's not creepy! And he likes me! Out of everyone, I thought you would be the least person to freak." I said, frowning.

"Yeah...I can see why you would think that...I AM pretty awesome..." Kaylee cracked me a grin, and I rolled my eyes, and smiled. "But you're my sister, and I don't want you to get hurt. And you dating James just creeps me out...AND YOU CAN'T DATE JAMES!"

"And why the hell not?" I shouted, glaring at her.

"Because you're fourteen! And he's sixteen! If two years from now, and James is eighteen, and you're sixteen-"

"Ooh, you're good at math!" I mocked, and she flipped me off.

"-and Mom and Dad catches you guys "doing it" and they call the po-po on James, he could be registered as a SEX OFFENDER!"

"Po-po?" I said, smirking. "You've had a lot of experience with them, haven't you?"

"You know what, Sam? Fuck you to hell!" Kaylee said, and turned on her heel, and ran upstairs.

*Kaylee's POV*

I was sitting on my bed, glaring at the floor. Fuck Sam. Fuck Sam. Fuck Sam. FUCK! SAM!

I was so fucking mad. All I wanted to do was swear. Fuck, bitch, ass, shit, damn, FUCK!

I was so mad that I could cry.

Which is exactly what I did.

Except I didn't cry because of Sam. All my anger towards her melted away when I realized why I was really crying.

I whipped out my cell phone, and went to my Speed Dial list, and pressed #1. Then I waited for it to ring.

"Hello?"

"Carlos?" I choked his name out.

"Kaylee? Are you okay?"

"I miss you!" I blurted out. "And I love you! I love you so much! I miss you so much that it hurts, and I can't stand it! I'm sorry I didn't tell you before it's just-" I couldn't say anymore.

I was crying too hard.

Carlos was silent for a while, then he whispered:

"I know...and it's okay. I understand."

"No, you don't!" I moaned.

"No, maybe I don't, but I get you. So I understand."

I sniffled. "Okay..."

"Okay. Hey, I have to go, but I'll call you later, kaay?"

"Kaay."

"Bye, I love you."

"I love you, too."


	36. Excited

I was so excited. Big Time Rush were coming home tomorrow, and I felt like a little kid all hyped on sugar on Christmas Eve right before bed, too excited to go to sleep.

"La la la la la la la la!" I sang, jumping up and down on my bed.

"OH MY GOD, KAYLEE, SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT, YOU ARE SOOOO FUCKING! ANNOYING!" Sam screamed from her bed across the room.

"Bitter!" I mumbled to myself.

"I HEARD THAT!" I just smiled and rolled my eyes.

La la la la la la, I hummed to myself, bouncing all around on my bed. La la..I'm so excited...la la...Imma see Carlos tomorrow...la la...AAAHHHHHH!

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" I screamed just to annoy Sam, and I wound up with a pillow thrown in my face. =C

**THE NEXT MORNING  
><strong>  
>I woke up at 7:00, before anyone else in my family, and went downstairs to make myself a bowl of popcorn for breakfast. =P<p>

I texted Jo and Camille, and they were both up, too. Big surprise there, right? They were both too excited to sleep, too.

It was later that day, around noon, and I was at the airport with Eva, Sam, Max, Jo, and Camille, waiting for Gustavo and Big Time Rush's plane to arrive. And it was running late, and we were all getting pretty impatient.

Right now I was on my 11th Root Beer.

End of story.

"There they are!" Camille yelled out of nowhere, making me jump. Everything was making me jump...I was hyper...

I looked and saw them walking out of the doors, Freight Train and some other bodyguard carrying their luggage.

I started jumping up and down and waving like a spaz. "HIII CARLOS!" I screamed. He smiled and waved like a spaz right back.

"HI KAYLEE!" He screamed back, and I bounced around the airport until they walked over by us, and Carlos had to hold me down.

"Hey, hey, Kaylee. Calm down."

"Make m-" It just occured to me that Big Time Rush, and Carlos was back in LA with me. To stay.

I wrapped my arms around him in a hug, and buried my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, too, just as tears sprang to my eyes, and all my hyper-ness melted away.

"I missed you..." I whimpered, tears leaking from my eyes.

"I missed you, too. So much." We were quiet, while I cried silently into Carlos' shirt.

"Let's go somewhere," he whispered into my ear.

"Do you really want to leave the guys?"

"Oh please. I've spent the last 6-months with them. I'm SICK of them." I giggled. "So, let's go."

"Where?"

"Who cares?"

"...okay..."

We ended up just heading back to 2J, and cuddled on his bed. I know it doesn't sound too special, but he held me in his arms and stroked my hair, and I had my face in his neck, and he just smelled like Carlos, a smell I hadn't smelled in so long.

"I love you..." Carlos whispered, and I whispered that I loved him, too.

"Don't leave again," I begged, and right now I didn't care how selfish I sounded.

"I won't," he promised. "But if I have to, then I'll bring you with me." I giggled.

"I'm not joking."

"I was hoping you weren't."


	37. Nightmares

_"No! Please, Oh, God, no! Stop! I'm sorry! I'm SORRY!" I screamed, as Steve grabbed me by the hair, and slamed my face against the wall._

_"Maybe THIS will teach you to come home from school on TIME!" Steve yelled, holding up a razorblade. I squirmed, trying to struggle away from Steve's grip on my hair, but he was strong. Stronger than me._

_He shoved the razor into my stomach, and sliced my body open._

I woke up, screaming and crying into my pillow. I had my fist clenched around a piece of my blanket, my other hand clutching my stomach.

I opened my eyes, warily. I'm in LA...I'm in LA...not New York...nowhere near New York or Steve...I'm safe.

But the dream was so real, so vivid. I could almost FEEL the razor...it was like revisiting my past...

I slowly lifted up my shirt to reveal a scar on my stomach from a razorblade that cut open my stomach. More tears sprang to my eyes, and I whimpered into my pillow.

"Kaylee? Are you okay?" Sam whispered from across the room. I didnt know I had woken her.

"Yeah..." I whispered back. "I just had a bad dream."

"Oh...okay."

The next day, at the Palm Woods, I pulled Carlos aside to tell him about my dream.

"It was...it was so real! I felt like I was actually there...it was so terrifying. I was too scared to go back to sleep. I'm too scared to go back to sleep _tonight!_"

"C'mon, Kaylee, I know this must have been scary for you, but it was only a dream."

"Yeah, but I've been having them almost every night for a month. And it's always-it's always Steve...and he's..." I lowered my voice to a whisper. "I get so scared to go to sleep, Carlos. I don't want to relive that..."I brushed tears from my eyes.

"How about...how about you...sleep in my bed tonight? See if the dreams stop?" I nodded.

"O-Okay."

"Listen, I'm not gonna try anything, I just..."

"I know. And thank you so much." I hugged him, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to block out the memories.

I didn't go back to my dad's mansion that night. I snuck into 2J and crawled into Carlos' bed.

"Hi," he whispered and wrapped his arms around me, pressing me to his chest.

"Hey," I whispered into his shirt, breathing in the smell of him. "I can't believe I'm in your bed. I've never been in your bed before, and...man, I can't believe I'm in your bed!"

Carlos laughed, and I leaned back to look up at him. "I know. This is so different."

"Different good or different bad?" He smiled.

"Different good, of course."

"Oh, well, good."Carlos stroked my hair, and my eyes fluttered shut, and I smiled.

"You like it when I do that, don't you?" he asked, and I nodded.

_"You stupid little bitch!" Steve screamed, picking up the toaster. "Why can't you just DO as I SAY?" He flung the toaster at me, and I ducked out of the way, but it hit me in the right shoulder, and I cried out in pain._

_"Please, stop! Don't do this to me!" I screamed, clutching my bleeding shoulder, tears streaming down my face._

"Kaylee! Kaylee, wake up!" I was shaken awake, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Carlos staring at me, panic in his eyes. "Kaylee, are you okay? You were screaming..."

I broke down crying and buried my tear-stained face into Carlos' chest, and he cradled me in his arms while I cried, rocking me back and forth and whispering soothing words in my ear.

"Kaylee, shh, it's okay, it was only a dream. You're okay, you're okay, I'm here, shhh..."


	38. Famous

Carlos and I practically fell into the limo, and he shut and locked the door.

"Oh My _God!_" I panted as the driver slowly pulled away from all the screaming fangirls. "Was it _always _like this while you were on tour!"

"Well, no, not rea-_yes!_" I laughed, and put my head on his shoulder.

"Things sure are different now that you're back from your tour," I said.

"Good different or bad different?" Carlos mocked, and I playfully punched him in the shoulder.

"I don't know..." I admitted, sighing and playing with his helmet strap. "...I mean I love that Big Time Rush is getting more popular, but it's like we can't go _anywhere _without being mobbed my fans or paparazzi."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. But you'll get used to it. I promise. Maybe you'll even like it. Who knows?"

"Yeah.." I said, and Carlos tilted my head upwards and then gently kissed me. I smiled into his mouth, and wrapped my arms around his neck..

*

I was sitting at a table at the Palm Woods pool with Sam, Camille, and Jo.

"It's like Kendall and I can't go anywhere without a pen and paper or a microphone shoved in our faces," Jo complained, andCamille nodded.

"I know what you mean. Logan and I-Kaylee, are you listening to me?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm listening."

"No, you're not," Camille said, frowning. "What's going on?" I just shrugged, andblushed.

"No, it's nothing..I was just thinking about...never mind..."

_"What is it?"_Camille, Jo, and Sam all practically screamed. 

"It's just..I was thinking about yesterday, in the limo, when me and Carlos..." I trailed off.

"When you and Carlos what!" Sam yelled.

"Did you guys...?" Jo hinted, and I frowned.

"Ugh, no! We didn't..." I made air quotes. "It was just like a really heavy make-out session, but it was something special...like we got farther in our relationship...more mature, in a way, you know?"

Camille, Jo, and Sam all nodded like zombies.

"But anyway, come on, you guys. Maybe Big Time Rush being famous won't be all bad. I mean, we can make videos for their website-that would be fun-and we can go with them to famous events and answer stuff for the paparazzi, and we could be Big Time Rush's awesome, and extremely hot girlfriends. You dig?" I asked, looking from one girl to the other.

One after the other, they all nodded.

"And Camille, Jo, aren't your careers in acting and singing taking off?" Sam asked. "You guys could be like those famous couples."

"Yeah," I piped up. "And me and Sam could be the daughters of our boyfriends' boss, and will threaten to fire their asses if they dump us." I smirked, and Camille and Jo laughed nervously, cuz they didn't approve of James and Sam going out, either.

*

That night, I went back into Carlos' room, and jumped into bed next to him.

"Hey cutie," he said, smiling. "I've been expecting you."

"Hey, sweetie," I murmured. "Sick of me yet?"

"Not yet," Carlos teased, and I giggled. I leaned over and kissed him, and then things started to heat up.

"Whoa, whoa...Carlos. Can we slow things down a little bit?" He leaned back and looked at me.

"Huh?"

"Can we take things down a few levels? I'm getting a little uncomfortable.."

"Okay, it's-"

"I mean, I love you and I want to be with you, but I don't know if I'm ready for...that. Not yet...and I'm sorry-"

"Kaylee, Kaylee, it's fine. I don't even know if _I'm_ ready. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"Okay, thanks, Carlos. You're the sweetest."

He smirked at me. "Oh, I know." I twirled his helmet straps around and around my fingers.

"I didn't know you wear your helmet to bed."

"Well, I don't, but since I invited you to sleep in my bed with me, I figured I could use the protection.." I giggled, and smacked him on the helmet. He laughed, too.

"Shut up!" I moaned, giggling, and laid my head on the pillow. Carlos leaned forward and started gently kissing my neck. I smiled, and wrapped my arms around his neck, tracing his and my namewith my finger on his back.

_"You stupid bitch!" Steve screamed. "You can't do anything right! You'll always be a failure, and no one will ever love you!" The truth in his words hit me likea thousand sharp knives, as I blinked away tears._

_"I'm sorry..." I murmured, staring at my feet._

_"Look at me!" Steve snarled, and his hand connected with my cheek, leaving a red imprint of where he slapped me. My fearful eyes met his angry ones..._

I woke up, drenched in sweat, gasping for breath. Carlos was asleep, and I cried into the front of his shirt.

"Mm, Kaylee?" he said, drowsily. "Hey, Kaylee, are you okay?" He cried, snapping awake and wrapping his arms around me. I shook my head into his chest. "Did you have another nightmare?" I nodded.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay. Steve's gone, remember? He got his ass thrown in jail after he...you know. The point is, he's gone now, and he can't hurt you."

"You love me right?" I sniffled.

"Of course I do."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I started lifting up my shirt, and Carlos put his hand on mine, stopping me.

"What are you doing? I thought we agreed-"

"No, not that.." I whispered, and I pointed to my scar from the razorblade on my stomach.

"Oh My God..." Carlos muttered, tracing the scar over and over again with his fingers.

"I'm sorry," I pleaded, more tears tugging at my eyes. They started to slide down my cheeks, but Carlos kissed them away.

"Don't be..." he whispered, pulling my shirt back down, and casually throwing an arm over my shoulder.


	39. Deaths & New Relationships

*Carlos' POV*

I was laying in my bed at night, exhausted from a hard day with Gustavo when they door cracked, and I found myself smiling. Kaylee crawled into bed with me and laid her head on my chest while I played with her hair.

"Carlos, can I talk to you about something?" she asked, softly.

"Anything," I replied, and she shifted positions to look up at me.

"Carlos, my mom died today."

"What? Oh My God! Are you okay?"

"And I feel kinda bad.."

"You should!"

"No...I feel bad because...I don't feel bad...you know?"

"Kaylee, she's your mom," I said, studying her face for any sign of sadness, but finding nothing. Just guilt.

"I know! But when my dad told me today that she died in a car accident...I dunno, I just didn't feel anything. It made me feel like such a bitch..." I wanted to comfort her, and tell her she wasn't a bitch, but I was too shocked. I knew Kaylee's mom was bad to her, but how could she not miss her? At least a little bit?

"Carlos?" she whispered after a minute or two. I cleared my throat, and replied:

"Yeah?"

"Never mind."

"Oh..Okay." I just laid there, trying to sort out my thoughts.

*Camille's POV*

I was sitting on my couch, reading a magazine and watching the news, when my mom came in the apartment, crying.

"Mom!" I cried. "What's wrong? Where's Ana?" Ana was my little sister, and my mom had brought her to the hospital today because she had been coughing and vomiting a lot, for the past few months.

"Ana...she..." my mom blurted out, but I couldn't get her to say anything else.

"Mom! What about Ana! Tell me!"

"She has leukemia! We waited too long..she's going to _die!_" My mouth formed an O.

*Jo's POV*

I was gathering all my stuff to head down to the pool, to meet Kendall there.

"Jo! Wait!" I turned around, and saw my dad.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Where are you going?"

"...To the pool...Why?"

"Because...I want to meet someone first."

"Okay...who?" I was starting to get suspicious.

"Beth!" My dad called, and a woman in her late 20's, early 30's walked out of the bedroom.

"Who the hell is that?" I asked, frowning.

"Jo...this is my girlfriend, Beth." I dropped my stuff, and exploded.

"Your _girlfriend?_ How can she be your _girlfriend?_ It's only been, what, 6 months since Mom died? And she dresses like a fucking PROSTITUTE!" I turned and stormed out the door.


	40. Fighting

*Kaylee's POV*

I was sitting cross-legged on my dad's stupid Peruvian couch or whatever the hell it's called, eating popcorn, and watching Spongebob.

My ring tone blared, and I checked my Caller ID. It was Carlos.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey, Kaylee. What are you doing?" Carlos asked.

"Nothing. Just watching TV."

"Cool, me too. What are you watching?"

"Spongebob."

"Ha. Nice. I was watching that, too, but then Kendall came in and changed the channel."

"That bastard." Carlos laughed.

"I know, right? So, are you home alone?"

"Yep. Everyone else is out planning for my mom's funeral."

"Oh, I'm sor-"

"Carlos, I'm fine. My mom practically screwed me over the last 5 years of my life. You can't just expect me to forgive her for that!" I said, and Carlos sighed.

"I know, I'm just surprised that you don't feel anything at all about your mom dying. What about the first 11 years of your life, when you dad was still around? Don't you miss _her_?

I took a deep breath, fighting to take control of my emotions. "That woman disappeared when Steve came around. I missed her at first, but you know what?"

"What?" Carlos asked, and I could tell he was fighting to stay in control of his emotions, too.

"I got over it! A long time ago! Listen-"

"No, _you _listen!" Carlos snapped, which caught me by surprise. "I know you've been through a lot, and I know that you have to act all tough…or something…but I'm getting a little sick of your attitude! You act like you don't give a shit about anything, but everyone knows that it's just an act! So why don't you actually _be brave _for once in your life, and face your emotions like a NORMAL PERSON?"

"Carlos!" I yelled, angrily.

"I can't talk to you anymore, Kaylee! Goodbye." Then he hung up.

"_UGH!_" I screamed, and threw my cell phone against the wall.

*Carlos' POV*

I snapped my phone shut, and squeezed it so hard that my knuckles turned white. I snatched my helmet off my head, and sent it flying across the room, where it eventually bounced off the swirly slide and hit the floor with a clatter.

"Girl troubles?" I looked up and saw Mrs. Knight looking at me,

"How much did you hear?" That was the only thing I could think of to say.

"Enough," she replied and sat down next to me. "So, what's going on?"

I shrugged, and stared at the TV, but my mind was elsewhere.

"Come on, Carlos. I need you to talk to me. God knows Kendall won't." That made me smile, and I looked over at her.

"Well…I guess…it's just that…Kaylee's mom died, and she doesn't even seem sad about it. I mean, I love her, but sometimes—"

"You want to strangle her?" Mrs. Knight guessed, and I laughed and nodded.

"Well, I'm sure you do some things that annoy her, too."

"Yeah, I guess. But this is different…"

"How so?"

"Like…sometimes I feel like I understand her completely, but then she'll do or say something, and then I feel like I don't get her at all. It's weird…"

"Well, do you think you could have told her this without yelling at her?"

"Maybe, but I don't think she would listen if I didn't yell."

"Maybe not."

"Should I go talk to her?"

"Not yet. I think she has some thinking to do."

*Kendall's POV*

I walked into 2J, to find Carlos watching Spongebob (again) on the couch, and my mom washing the dishes.

I plopped down on the couch next to Carlos, and he glanced over at me.

"Oh, hey, Kendall."

"Hey." I said, and we were silent for a few minutes. Then I cleared my throat, and Carlos looked over at me.

"What's up?" he asked, and I frowned.

"It's nothing, really, I just need to ask you something."

"Why me? Go find Logan."

"He can't help me with this. I have to ask you something about Jo."

"What about her?"

"Well…um…her dad is going out with this—"

"Skank? Yeah, Kaylee told me."

"Yeah…well…she talks to me a lot about it and…what do I do?"

"Just listen to her, and agree with her on everything that she says, even if she's dead wrong."

"Really? That works?" I asked, and Carlos nodded, and then turned his attention back to the TV.

"Thanks, man."

"No problem."

*Logan's POV*

Camille and I were sitting on two chairs at the Palm Woods pool, and she was crying on my shoulder. She was trying to explain to me about her sister through tears, but I had already heard the story a bajillion times. It didn't get old though, or annoying. I just felt beyond bad for her. I mean, if someone close to me was dying, I would break down, too.

"I just…this is so hard…oh, Logan, tell me what to do!"

"To tell you the truth, I don't really know. But if I was in your position, I guess I would just stay positive, and stay strong for Ana's sake, so you don't scare her." Camille sniffled, and then nodded.

"Y-yeah, I agree. Thanks, Logan." She leaned up and kissed me.

*James' POV*

I had been texting and calling Sam all day, but she wouldn't answer me. Finally, she texted back: 

"Im not in the mood 2 talk rite now"

I texted back: "Y"

And she said: "Cuz my mom just died!"

And I said: "Do u want me 2 come ovr?"

And SHE said: "Do whatever u want"

So of course I went over to her house, and she was lying on her bed, looking all depressed. I sat down next to her. She looked over at me, but then went back to staring at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked.

"My mom just died! What do you think is wrong?"

"Okay, okay, you don't have to be all bitchy. I just meant that Kaylee isn't sad because her mom was a total douchebag to you guys, and I sort of get what she's going at. I just don't get why you're all sad."

"Well, maybe because I'm not as good at Kaylee at shutting off my emotions! Maybe because I'm not as good as her at holding grudges, and I can't just bottle up my feelings, and somehow keep them from spilling out!"

"Hey, I'm only trying to help. You don't have to be a bitch about it!"

"Actually, I _can _be a bitch about it, because my _mom died! _And you're being a total insensitive jerk about it!"

"—"

"You know what? Kaylee was right about you! Get out, I never want to see you again!"

*Carlos' POV*

I was laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling when the door opened, and Kaylee walked in.

"Hey," she murmured, but I just stared. "Do you not want to see me?" she asked.

"What? No umm…I just didn't expect you to come."

"Yeah, well."

"Yeah, well what?"

"I don't know. Can I—?" she gestured towards my bed, and I nodded and scooted over. She crawled in my bed.

"Are you still mad at me?" Kaylee whispered.

"It depends. Are _you _still mad at_ me?_" I asked.

"No, not really."

"Oh. Why not?"

"Cuz you were right."

"About what?"

"Are you gonna make me say it?" she asked, and I smirked.

"Yes."

She sighed. "Fine. You were right about me always shutting off my emotions cuz I'm scared of  
>them."<p>

"Hmm…so I was right, huh?" Kaylee rolled her eyes.

"Don't get used to it, cuz it's never happening again." I laughed.

"Yeah, okay."

"This was our first fight, you know," she said, and I said,

"Yeah, I know."

"So…what are we gonna do about my emotion thingy?"

"I don't know!"

"You're a lot of help."

"Well, what am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know. Wait a minute, will he help?" Kaylee showed me some kind of stuffed animal, but I had to squint to see in the dark.

"What is that thing?"

"It's my teddy bear. I never told anybody about him before."

"You have a teddy bear? What's his name?"

"Well, when I was a kid, my mom got me this for my fifth birthday, and I couldn't think of what to name it, so my older brother, Michael called him "No-Name Bear" until I could think of a name, but I never thought of one."

"So you have a teddy bear named No-Name Bear?" I said, and she giggled.

"Yep."

"Wow, that's real original."

"I know, right?"

"I guess that does help a little bit."

"Cool."


	41. Making Up

***Kaylee's POV***

I woke up before Carlos the next morning, and just stared at the ceiling for a while, waiting for him to wake up. He didn't. For like, an hour. So I poked him. Again. And again.

"Stop!" he moaned, laughing and I giggled.

"No! You have to wake up! I'm bored."

"And since when am I supposed to amuse you?"

"Since always."

"Ohh."

"Yeah."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Whatever you want. And I didn't mean that in a perverted way, I swear." Carlos laughed, and began to kiss my neck. His hands traveled up and down my back.

"W-wait, Carlos. Stop."

"Huh?"

"I'm not ready."

"For what?"

"For...that!"

"That? Ohh! I wasn't trying to-"

"That's okay, I just wanted to let you know." 

"Okay," Carlos said and kissed my forehead and leaned back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling.

***Kendall's POV***

Jo was talking to me about her dad's new girlfriend, and I started to panic, but then I remembered Carlos' advice: "just listen to her and agree with her on everything".

I nodded to make it seem like I was listening, but in my head I was freaking out.

"Yeah, what right does that slut have to invade your home like that?" I said, and Jo frantically nodded.

"I know, right? I'm so glad that I have you to talk to about this."

"I'm happy to be here."

"Aww, thanks, Kendall!" Jo cried, and gave me a hug. I smirked. I owe Carlos one!

***Logan's POV***

Things with me and Camille couldn't be better. She's a lot happier, and we spend a lot more time with each other after my advice to her. I don't even know where that advice came from! I pulled it out of my ass! Life is good.. 

***James' POV***

Dammit GodDAMN! I am _such_ a jackass! Sam never wants to see me again. I know because she sent me a text message that said "I never want to see you again!" I think she's seriously mad. I have to fix this..

I was at Gustavo's mansion, knocking on Sam's shut and locked bedroom door.

"C'mon, Sam, lemme in!"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Sam-"

"Go away! I hate you! Kaylee was right about you! You're too old for me _and_ a total douche! We're _over!_ Now leave me alone!"

Shit. She's more pissed tham I thought!


	42. Advice & Confessions

***Kaylee's POV***

"Carlos, do you really want me to talk about my mom?" I asked into the darkness. I was lying next to Carlos in his bed, unable to fall asleep. I knew that he wasn't asleep, either.

"Not that much anymore. But I'd like to hear what you have to say." I took a deep breath.

"I think that my mom and dad were arguing a lot, and it was all because the fame was getting to his head, and then he left her-us. And she still loved him, and when he left, it destroyed her. But my mom didn't want me or Sam or Max to see her like that, so she started going out with Steve, and hardened herself to the point of not caring, and pretended to not notice that he was hurting me, so that she wouldn't have to break up with him, because if she did, she would have to face that my dad was really gone."

At first, Carlos was silent. Then his voice rang out in the dark. "It sounds like you've had a lot of time to think about this."

"Try five years."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

THE NEXT DAY

I was feeling extra generous today, after getting all that crap about my mom off my chest. I went out to find Sam: I quietly knocked on her bedroom door.

"Sam? It's me, Kaylee."

"Go away." I turned the handle on the door; it wasn't locked. I stepped inside, and shut the door behind me. Sam was lying on her stomach, on her bed, her face buried in her pillow. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my hand on her back.

"Sam, I have to talk to you."

"No. Get out."

I kept going. "You knew the whole time, didn't you? About why Mom acted the way she did, why she got with Steve in the first place? That's why you didn't hate her like I did." Sam only sniffled into her pillow. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because you didn't want to know," she replied, and I knew it was true. Before now, anything that would have defended Steve or my mom, I wouldn't want to hear it.

I sighed. "Well, I know now. And-I can't believe I'm saying this-but if you want to talk about it-her.. then you can come to me. Kaay?"

"Okay. Whatever."

"Okay." I got up to leave, but then turned around. "Oh yeah, and I thought about it, and I'm not mad about you dating James anymore."

Sam sat up, and wiped away her tears. "I'm not going out with James anymore. I dumped him."

"What? Why?"

"Because-it was like, the first week of our relationship and he was being a total insensitive jerk. And I'm starting to believe that he's not "The One", and if he isn't, then why bother?"

"Listen, Sam. He could be the one for you, he could not, but everyone deserves a chance. And by dumping him over something stupid-and your reason _is _stupid, Sam-isn't giving him a chance." Sam frowned and stared off into space, and I knew that it was my cue to leave.

***Kendall's POV*****  
><strong>  
>So far Carlos' advice is flawless. I just don't see how it could go wrong. But of course, whenever I think things like that, itblows up in my face. So, I should probably stop thinking like that.<p>

I was on the phone with Jo, and she was complaining to me about her dad _again_. I usually don't mind, but doesn't she have friends that she can talk to about this stuff? Friends that are girls, and not me?

"Listen, listen, Jo." _Think, Kendall. I have to be at the recording studio in 10 minutes, and I can't rush Jo or she'll be mad at me, and if I'm late, then Gustavo will be mad at me. Damn...okay, okay, I got it. _"Maybe you just need to look at the bright side. I mean, look at how happy Gustavo and Eva are. Maybe you just need to give this whole situation a chance." When I finished, I held my breath for the response at the other end.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll _give the situation a chance._"

"Okay. And I really need to go. Rehearsal in 10 minutes."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone, and let out a moan of satisfaction.

***Logan's POV*  
><strong>  
>"Hey, Camille. There aren't a lot of people at the pool right now. Wanna come?" I asked, coming up to her in the lobby.<p>

"I'm sorry, I can't right now, Logan. Me and my mom just found out that Ana's cancer got worse."

"Oh My God, is there anything I can do?"

"No. I just really need to be alone right now."

"Okay. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Alright."

"Thank you, Logan."

***James' POV***

Kaylee just told me that Sam was still really mad at me, and wasn't going to get back together with me, but she also said that she talked to her about getting back together with me, and that Sam was still thinking about it.

Bless your soul, Kaylee Rocque.


	43. Death, Death, and More Death

***Kaylee's POV***

Today I got the biggest shock of my life. My dad-Gustavo Rocque-is actually happy. Weird, right? I know! And he brought home this beagle from the pound and named him Rufus. Seriously, what the hell? I think there is seriously something wrong with him. It's kinda' creepy, really. Who would have that Nice Gustavo was actually scarier than Mean Gustavo?

Sam wasn't really paying attention, because she was trying to figure out what she should do about James, and Max was too busy playing with Rufus to notice.

But Eva knew something was up, too. After lunch, when we were both watching TV, she leaned over and whispered, "Do you know what's going on with Gustavo?" I shrugged.

"No! But it's creepy as hell! Make him stop!" That made her smile.

"Alright, I'll go see what's wrong. I'll be back in ten minutes."

TEN MINUTES LATER

Eva came downstairs exactly ten minutes later. Damn, she's good.

"So?" I asked. "What's going on? Did you fix...him?"

"I found out what's wrong."

"And..?"

"He says that adding members to his family is his way of coping with Carol's death."

"Goddammit!" I yelled, and Eva stared.

"What?"

"This isn't fair. This is _Gustavo _we're talking about here. He's not allowed to have feelings!"

"Kaylee, be reasonable."

***Kendall's POV***

I walked into the Palm Woods pool area, and spotted Jo sitting alone at a table near the back, and walked over by her.

"Hi, Jo. What's up?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, nothing. Just thinking."

"About what?"

"My parents."

"Don't you mean your dad and Beth?" I said, and Jo sighed.

"I wish. They're getting married!"

"Umm..how long have they been dating?" I cried.

"I know, right? But...I guess I'm sort of okay with it. You know, after what you said about Gustavo and Eva being so happy together? I decided I'll give their marriage a chance."

"Good! Now, do you want to get in the pool?"

"Sure!"

***Logan's POV***

I was in the lobby when my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from Camille:

'My sister died 2day'

My jaw dropped. Oh My God.

***James' POV***

I had been staring at my phone for 2 hours, debating about whether or not to call Sam. _What if she's still mad? What if she doesn't want to talk to me? But what if Kaylee's advice worked, and she wants to get back together? But what if it didn't, and she doesn't? Aww, screw it, I'm calling her._

I dialed her number, and held the phone up to my ear. Ring, ring, ring, click.

"Hello?"

"Sam! It's me, James."

"I know. I have Caller ID."

"Right."

"So, why did you call me?"

"To talk." She sighed.

"Look, I thought about it, and I don't want to lose you over some stupid fight, and us saying stupid stuff we didn't mean. I want to get back together."

"Okay, good, me too!"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, well, why didn't you just ask me?"

"I tried! But you just kept yelling and throwing stuff at me." Sam laughed.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that."

"So we're good?"

"Yeah. We're good."


	44. The Funeral

It was Saturday morning and my entire family was glamed up and in a limo, on our way to Ana's funeral. None of us knew Ana, but Sam and I knew Camille, and we had to be there for her. Eva suggested that our whole family go, and Sam and I thought it was a great idea, but Gustavo and Max were bummed. Oh well. Too bad for them.

It was just a typical funeral, but I feel that I should describe it more in respect for Ana and Camille.

The funeral was being held at a church, and my family and I sat in the middle pews, saving the front for Ana's close family and friends. When Big Time Rush got here, Carlos and James came and sat by me and Sam, and Kendall brought Jo, Katie, and Mrs. Knight to come sit behind us. Logan went up to the front row to comfort Camille and her family.

"This is so horrible," I whispered to Carlos, James, and Sam. "I can't imagine what I'd be feeling if it was Sam instead of Ana."

"Aww! My big sister loves me!" Sam teased, and I rolled my eyes.

"I know what you mean, Kaylee. I can't imagine how I'd be feeling," James agreed and Carlos nodded.

"Ana was so young. Sam's age." Carlos said, nodding in my direction. "This must be so hard on their family."

At the front there was a podium where the priest and the close family and friends can say some words about Ana, and there was an open casket with Ana in it. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and her eyes were closed. She was in her best clothes and her hair was done and she had her make-up done. She was so pale still, she looked like a china doll. She looked so young. It was somewhat scary.

There were bouquets (sp?) and bouquets of flowers surrounding the casket and the whole church was decorated to look pretty. There was lots of crying and even though I didn't know Ana, all the crying made me want to cry, too.

This was the first funeral I had ever been to. It was sad, and I have officially decided that I don't like funerals. I didn't go to my mom's funeral. I was too angry then, and well, it's too late now. It's not like I could have _another _funeral for her. After all, I was the only one in my family that _didn't _go to her funeral...


	45. The Wedding

The whole gang completely switched scenes in the matter of one weekend, from a funeral to a wedding. Jo's dad's wedding. Even though she would never admit it, Jo's pretty peeved off about the whole thing. So, overnight we changed from out depressing formal clothes into our cheery formal clothes. Goodie. Don't get me wrong, this is all very exciting, but I would really much rather spend my weekend eating cookies and watching movies on ABC Family or Lifetime. To me, that's like, the perfect weekend. I mean, come on, am I really wrong?

So, once again, our entire family piled into the limo, and headed to a church. I could tell that Gustavo and Max were pissed, and that they would rather be having my movie and snacks weekend. Sam looked like she knew that this day would be boring, and Eva was absolutely expressioneless.

It was just a typical wedding, but there are 3 important events that I think you might want to know about.

#1:

I was standing on the sidelines while everyone else was dancing [Carlos and I have already done enough dancing/making fools of ourselves for one night] when Jo came up to me, looking sad.

"Hey..." she murmured, and I looked over at her, intently.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and she sighed, and got right to the point:

"How do you deal with all the bad things that happen in your life?" I frowned and shrugged.

"I dunno.. I guess the crappier your life gets, the more you learn to just suck it up." I cracked a smile, but she didn't look amused.

"Alright.. I don't know if this will work for you, but I just bottle all my feelings and crap up inside me and deal with it on my own. I'm not saying that this is the only way, but it's what I do." Jo frowned and gazed across the dance floor, and I could tell she was thinking really hard.

Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to help Jo and Camille through their hard times, but the fact that Jo went to _me _for advice was kind of freaking me out, so I snuck off to go find Carlos.

#2:

Carlos and I were slowdancing as I was muttering everything to him under my breath.

"Damn!" He muttered.

"Yeah, I know! To tell you the truth, I would rather have bad things happen to me than to Camille or Jo. I know how to handle it. They obviously don't, if they're coming to advice from me or isolating themselves from society." I expected Carlos to say something sweet about how he didn't want bad things to happen to me, but he was silent.

#3:

***SAM'S POV***

I was sitting at a table with James while everyone else was dancing, and we were talking about all the drama that was going on within our group right now. Then out of nowhere, James says that he's really happy that we're back together.

"Um...yeah, me too."

"Look, Sam, I know you're younger than me and all of our friends think this relationship is a bad idea, but I really think this could work. Which is why I want to get married when we're both older." My jaw dropped. Did he really just say what I think he did?


	46. Trying to Comfort Camille

I was sitting out by the pool when someone tapped my shoulder. I expected it to be Carlos, but it wasn't. It was Logan.

"Oh, hey, Logan. How's Camille doing?"

"Not so good. She won't come out of her apartment. I've done everything I can, but do you think you could talk to her?"

"I don't know, Logan.. she probably won't even listen."

"Just try, please."

"Fine, but because she's my friend."

"Okay."

-LATER-

I stood outside of Camille's apartment, knocking on the door. No one was answering.

"Camille, it's me! Open up!" I called, and to my surprise, she opened the door.

"Hi, Camille. Can I come i-?" I started, but she cut me off.

"I know why you're here."

"Okaayy...why am I here?"

"Because Logan sent you here. He sent you to try to make me feel better because he figured someone as screwed up as you would know what to say to me."

"Hey!" I yelled, glaring at her.

"Come on, Kaylee, you know it's true. We all know how shitty your life is, how shitty your past and your family is. That's why Logan sent _you _here, and not Jo or Sam."

"Camille, you're being a bitch!" I cried, but my words didn't hurt her like her words are hurting me.

"Everyone knows how you should be locked up in the nut house, but they never have the courage to say anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings, but I just don't care anymore. Get out of here." And then she slammed the door in my face.

"She _said that _to you?" Kendall yelled. I was in 2J with the guys and Jo and Sam, telling them everything that had happened.

"Yeah! She was being a total bitch! Logan, your girlfriend is a total bitch."

"She's just going through a rough patch right now, she didn't mean it-" Logan said, but I stopped him.

"Yeah, she did. You should have seen the way she said it, she totally meant it. And stop making excuses for her! If she wants to push _everyone _away, then that's fine with me." I got up and stormed out of the apartment, only to hear footsteps behind me. I stopped and turned around. It was Carlos.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"I guess. It was nothing to cry about." But I was totally lying. Did everyone really think that about me? Did they all talk about me behind my back? I couldn't stop thinking about what Camille said...


	47. Big Events

I did the same thing I did every day: I got up, went to school at the Palm Woods, hung out with Jo and Sam while BTR was at rehearsal, and then we all hung out together when they got back at the pool or at 2J, and then I would crawl into bed with Carlos. But something was different when I crawled into bed with him today. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

It was when Carlos and I started making out when I knew what it was. He fumbled with my bra strap and we went farther than we ever hadbefore, and I wasn't nervous.

"Carlos.."

"I know," he said, and leaned back, sighing.

"No, no, no! Carlos, I'm ready."

'Wha-really?"

"Yes."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. I'm absolutely sure."

And then we..did it. And it was amazing.

That next morning, I ran as fast as my legs would carry me to my mansion, and ran throughout the house, screaming Sam's name.

"Oh My God, Kaylee, what the fuck is it?"

"Sam, I have to talk to you."

"This had better be damn important, because I was on the phone with J-"

"Carlos and I had sex."

"Oh My God! Oh My-our room. Now. Go!" We ran up to our room, and locked the door behind us, and sat on my bed.

"Oh My God, tell me everything!" Suddenly, I didn't know what to say.

"Well..what do you want to know?"

"Was it good?"

"It was..okay..for a first time, I mean. It wasn't that good..but it wasn't that bad, either. Ya' know?"

"No. I don't know. I'm 14! Was it good or bad?"

"I don't know..sort of in between." she groaned.

"Okay...moving on. Would you want to do it again?"

"Hell yeah! I mean, it was sort of awkward, but it wasn't that bad that I would never want to do it again."

"Okay. So, umm..what did it feel like?" Sam asked, excitedly.

"Okay, Sam..you're 14, and..I'm leaving now," I said, and got up and left the room, Sam moaning and calling my name after me. I ignored her.

***JO'S POV*  
><strong>  
>I was lying on my stomach, on my bed, reading a magazine, using my straw to swirl my smoothie around. I flipped the page in my magazine, when my phone rang. I looked over to see who it was.<p>

"Hi, Kendall."

"Hey, Jo. How's life with Mommy?"

"Shut the hell up," I snapped.

"Damn," he said. "not so well, I guess."

"Well, you're right. Beth's like, a total bitch, and I hate her! I can't stand her, but my dad doesn't believe me, and now he thinks I'm a liar! Ugh, I just HATE this family!"

"Oh, well that's nice."

"Shut up!"

***CAMILLE'S POV***

I was lying on my back, on my bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark. I felt like I was being sucked into a black hole of darkness and loneliness, and no one could pull me out. And it just kept sucking and sucking and sucking at me, and my soul, and I was falling faster and faster, and I couldn't do anything to stop it, and it scared me.

But no matter how much it scared me, I didn't really want out. I didn't really remember what it was like to be in the sunshine, or anything outside of my black hole. Logan tried reaching out to me, tried pulling me out, but Ana was in my black hole, and I didn't want to leave her. She didn't deserve to be alone.

The tears slipped down my cheeks, and I buried my face in my pillow, as the sobs escaped my body.

"Dammit, Ana, leave us alone!" I screamed, slamming the door in her face. I was 12, and she was 8, and we were back at home, and I was having a sleepover with my best friend, Valerie, and Ana was bugging us.

_"Come on, Camille! Just let me hang out with you guys for a little while! I'm bored!"_

_"No!" I yelled. "Leave us alone!"_

_"Camille!" Ana begged, pounding on the door. "Puh-leez!"_

_"No! Oh My God, Ana, leave us alone! I hate you, I wish you would die!"  
><em>  
>The memory came flooding back, and I wished I could take it back. I wanted nothing more than for her to be back here with me.<p>

There was a soft knock on the door. "Leave me alone!" I yelled, and a tiny crack of light flooded my room of darkness as someone slipped in.

"GO. AWAY." I snapped.

"Camille.." Logan murmured, and I froze.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"To come talk to you."

"About what?"

"About Kaylee. I think you should apologize to her."

"I don't want to."

"Well, damn, Camille! You never want to do anything anymore! All you do is sit here and cry in your room. It isn't gonna bring Ana back." Just him saying his name took a tug at my heart.

So I told him everything. About the black hole, about me not wanting Ana to be alone. Everything. He sighed.

"Camille..Ana isn't alone. She's up in heaven, watching over you and your family. And I bet she's really depressed seeing you this way. She knows that you love her, but I know Ana, and she would want you to be happy, and move on. You know I'm right."

Suddenly, I felt like the black hole just threw me out, and I fell into the ray of sunshine, with all of my friends and family's friendly faces. I looked back at my black hole, and saw Ana, standing there, smiling and waving goodbye.

"Oh My God, Logan. You are right. You're totally right. Ana's watching over me, and she wants me to be happy."

"So, what are you gonna do now?" Logan asked, and I frowned.

"Apologize to Kaylee."

***SAM'S POV***

I was hanging around the mansion, when Kaylee came into the kitchen, the phone glued to her ear.

"Who are you talking to?" I asked, and she covered the phone with her hand.

"Camille. She apologized, and we're just catching up. I've really missed her."

"Okay, fine, but I need the phone after you. I gotta' call James."

"Why do you have to call James?" I turned around, and saw Gustavo standing there, and my gut clenched, and suddenly I couldn't breathe.

"Umm..because..I am dating him."

You should. Have seen. His face.


	48. The End

_So this is it. The end. I never thought it would end this way. I think we should take some time, and look back on everything that has happened this past year._

_When my mom shipped me off to my dad's, I was a bitter, guarded, tough-as-nails girl who was abused by her step-dad, and neglected by her mom. But as the year went on, he helped me to get past that, and I learned to love and trust again. He was fun and carefree, and had a free-spirit, and I was tough and trouble-making._

_I don't regret my relationship with him, because he helped me to grow and change. But when I imagined our future together-well, I don't know what I saw, but I'll tell you one thing. It wasn't this._

"This is so great! It's gonna be so much fun!" Camille cried, jumping up and down, and clapping her hands. It was so great to see her happy again...

"I know, right?" Jo gushed, and I smirked.

"Yeah. Too bad Sam couldn't come."

Okay, so Gustavo and Eva basically freaked when they found out Sam was dating James, and Camille, Jo, and I were driving to New York with the guys (James included. Which was why Sam couldn't come.) for two weeks to just hang out, and explore (and for BTR to meet their fans, and perform a concert there.).

"Hey, so when everyone else is just looking around the few couple of days, we'll go look, okay?" Carlos whispered in my ear, and I nodded. Carlos and I were secretly going to look for an apartment down there for after we graduated high school, for just the two of us. Gustavo and Eva would flip shit if they found out, which was why it was a secret.

"Okay, come on, everyone, let's go!" Kendall yelled, clapping his hands, and everyone cheered. The guys got in the 'Big Time Rush-mobile' and I got in the driver's seat of my car, with Jo in shotgun and Camille in the back.

The Big Time Rush-mobile started moving, and I followed them in my car. "Turn on some music!" "I'm hot!" "Are we almost there?" "I'm _bored!_" "Kay_lee!_"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled. "Oh My God, it's like having two Sam's in the car! GOD!" I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, impatiently, as I waited for the light to turn green. My ring tone blared, and I fumbled with my phone just as the light turned a neon green.

"Carlos, you can't call me. I'm driving."

"Oh, right. Well, Kendall's driving in here, and I forgot."

"It's fine. So, what do you want?"

"I don't know. I'm bored."

"Well, I don't want to get my ass ticketed, so talk to Jo," I said, and tossed my phone to my best friend.

"Who-hi, Carlos. Oh, I'm on speakerphone? That's cool." I smiled, and slipped on the sunglasses that I bought when Carlos was on tour.

We drove like that for hours, cranking tunes, giggling and gossiping, and receiving random phone calls from the guys that were always just one car in front of us. Sometimes we got so close that Logan and Carlos (in the backseat) would turn around and wave at us, and make faces.

We even got a call from Sam, and I immediately felt bad, because this trip was already fun. We sped down the road, when my phone rang. I held it up to my ear, my eyes not leaving the road (okay ppl, so dont talk on the phone and drive...Kaylee's a very bad role model. REMEMBER THIS! lol.).

"Hello?"

"Hi, Kaylee."

"Sam!" I yelled, happily, and lifted one arm off the steering wheel to wave at the guys in front of us, and Carlos and Logan shrugged at us, and screamed at us, trying to ask what was going on.

"SAM?" Jo and Camille shrieked, and tried to claw the phone away from my phone.

"Ow-hey! Will one of you change the station? And for God's sakes, someone call Carlos or Logan, and fill them, they look like they're having seizures over there," I yelled, and went back to my sister. "Hey, Sam. You still there?"

"Yepp. Sounds like the trip is a lot of fun," she said, sadly.

"Well, it's not-okay, yeah, I'm not gonna lie, it's a blast. But we all wish you were here. Especially James."

"Yeah, I miss you all, too. It just pisses me off that you guys get to go on a trip to New York and have fun, while I'm stuck at home for two weeks with Max being annoying, and Gustavo sending me death glares from across the table." I laughed.

"Well, I'm glad you're having fun. And-um, what? Oh, James wants you to call hi-"

Up ahead, a truck came out of nowhere, and crashed into the side of the Big Time Rush-mobile, sending it sliding across the road, landing in a ditch and flipping over numerous times, before skidding to a stop, upside down.

My phone flew out of my hand, and I heard screams coming from Jo and Camille, as I slammed on the brakes. I heard a loud ringing in my ears, as I stared at the heap of metal on the side of the road, containing all of our boyfriends.

"KENDALL!" "LOGAN!" "OH MY GOD!" "HELP US!" "CALL 911!" were some of the numerous things I heard Jo and Camille scream as they fled from my car, and ran to the Big Time Rush-mobile, and I could hear Sam's faint voice coming from the phone as she screamed, begging me to tell her what was going on.

I just sat there, in my car, staring straight ahead in horror, and the ringing in my ears becoming so loud that it was all I could hear. I reached down and calmly shut my phone, and then over looked the scene of a smoking hunk of metal, with Camille and Jo sobbing and screaming next to it, and a phone next to Jo's ear, probably calling 9-1-1.

_Carlos will be fine, _I thought as I slowly drove my car to the side of the road, crawling it across the dead grass, and towards the wreck. _Carlos is always fine. _I got out of my car, and stood next to the disaster. The car was ruined, all broken and black smoke was rising from it. Camille was lying on the ground next to it, crying so hard that she could hardly breathe, and Jo's tears were interfering with her ability to speak as she rushed to tell the operator what happened. I looked back, and saw that the truck that had hit them was gone, and there was only an empty road.

"Kaylee..." Jo whispered. "Kaylee, they'll be okay. They'll be fine. They'll be fine. Everything will be fine..."

_They'll be fine. They'll be fine. Everything will be fine..._ It was a lie, and I knew it even then. Jo and Camille screamed and cried as their boyfriends' broken bodies were fished out of the wreck, but I just stared at the ground. I didn't dare to look. I didn't have to. I knew what I would see.

_They'll be fine. They'll be fine. Everything will be fine..._ Try saying that when you have to call your little sister, and tell her that her boyfriend is on life support with a concussion and his ribs shattered. Try saying that when you have to call Mrs. Knight and tell her that her son is in a coma, and probably would never wake up. Try saying that when you have to call Carlos and Logan's moms and tell them that they should start planning their sons' funeral.

_They'll be fine. They'll be fine. Everything will be fine... _Haa. Just go shove it up your ass.

_So this is it. The end. I never thought it would end this way. I really didn't. It wasn't _supposed_ to end this way. But it did._

I thought about this as I dangled my legs over the railings on the Bates Bridge, overlooking the baby blue water. I thought about how everyone was crying and sad. I thought about how every time I closed my eyes, I saw Carlos' face, and then the wreck his life had become.

For some strange reason, I hadn't cried once since the accident. The pain I was feeling was way beyond crying. And crying wouldn't bring him back.

So, I shut my eyes, and quickly and easily slid off the railing of the bridge. I whipped through time and space, and felt the air on my face, and my hair flip all around me. I felt like I was flying.

My body hit the ice cold water, and I let all of my oxygen go in little bubbles that rose to the surface. My body and mind went numb as I let myself sink to the bottom, and my lungs screamed for air, but I just lay on the bottom of the body of water, letting death take me for it's own.

I opened my eyes, and expected to see the fuzzines of underwater, feeling a thousand ice-cold stabbing knives at my skin, and my lungs to be tugging and pulling at my airways, to let them breathe, but instead I was blinded by white, and my whole body was relaxed.

"Where am I?" I murmured, rubbing my eyes.

"Morning, beautiful." I whipped my head to look in the voice's direction, and I saw Carlos lying next to me on the clean white mattress, helmet and all, smiling goofily at me.

"Carlos! ...Am I dead?" He smirked, and nodded.

"Yeah. I've been expecting you."

"What? Really? How did you know?"

"I didn't. But I know you, Kaylee, and it takes a really strong person to do what you did. And you've always been strong." I smiled and blinked back tears, and I met his lips, and squeezed my eyes shut.

"You're stronger than I am," I whispered in his ear. "and we both know it."

**Okay, I know. You all hate me. Or maybe you don't. But you probably do.**

**Love, Rachel**


	49. Epilogue

**-10 YEARS LATER-**

Samantha Lynn Diamond sighed, and ran a hand through her golden curls. Today..today brought back memories. Memories that she so desperately tried to forget.

Today was the 10th anniversary of Logan, Carlos, and Kaylee's death. Sam remembered flying down the staircase, begging Gustavo to call Kaylee to find out what happened. She remembered feeling her stomach flipping over when-hours later-they received the car to find out what was wrong. All she could remember thinking was "What happened to James? Is he OK?"

She remembered trying to find her older sister-Kaylee was strong. She would know what to do. Kaylee was strong. She had been strong her whole life. Kaylee would be fine. And Kaylee would make her OK, too.

Sam remembered Kaylee disappearing off the face of the earth. She remembered crying herself to sleep all the nights they couldn't find her, wanting her big sister to make everything better. She remembered imagining all the places that Kaylee could be: maybe in Paris, driving around her super-cool Chevy Impala in her Prada sunglasses. Or maybe in Japan, frowning as she tried to use chopsticks. She remembered smiling at that.

Sam remembered just figuring that Kaylee had simply run away. That's what Kaylee did when times got too hard for her to handle: she just got the hell out. She remembered imagining all the great places she would be exploring, and all the stories she would have to tell when she got back home. How much shit she would take from Gustavo before she blew her top.

She remembered being crushed when authorities found Kaylee's body at the bottom of the lake. She was beyond dead. She remembered thinking, "I guess even Kaylee has a breaking point."

But that was what happened then. This was now.

But I guess "now" wasn't so great, either. Sam was married to James, and they had two sons: Manuel (6) and Patrick (3). Camille was locked up one of those health treatment centers for people with depression, and had been there for the last 10 years. There really wasn't any chance of her ever getting out. Jo was married to a singer she met on her tour, and was pregnant with her first child. It was hard for her, but she had to move and let go, because Kendall was still in his coma, and they eventually had to pull the plug.

It was a little weird for James to be the last remaining Big Time Rush member alive, but we make sure to tell our boys about how brave their aunts and uncles were, and about how they weren't so lucky...


End file.
